Parents, do not let your children go to school next Tuesday! If you do, they run the risk of watching a televised speech by Barack Obama, who will interrupt the three R's (reading, religion, 'rithmetic) with a message urging children to work hard and focus on their education. Why doesn't he just read The Little Red Book aloud, while he's at it?

"It's a form of indoctrination, and I think, really, it's indicative of the culture that the Obama administration is trying to create," [a concerned parent/patriot] told FOXNews.com on Thursday. "It's very socialistic."

Yeah, no kidding.

The White House is going to release the full text of Obama's propaganda on Monday, but that gives us an entire weekend to worry, so I fired up my time machine to find out how the president is going to sneak his own political and moral values into this supposed "stay in school" address. Here we go… I can see the text, it's coming into focus… uh-oh, this is bad…

* The president will start by quoting a French person. French!

* The president will talk about tax policy and economic reform. Political money things!

* The president will explain that he has a "moral vision" for America. Ack!

* The president will say he wants to "punish those who attempt to discriminate." Double ack!

* The president will talk about the importance of gun control, including waiting periods!!!

* The president will say that anyone can come to America and become an American, which, ILLEGALS, someone, quick, get me out of this time machine! Help! Mommy! Glenn Beck!

Good lord, this is even worse than I imagined. Next week is going to be utterly- wait, hold on.

Well, would you look at that. I thought I had my time machine set for September 7, 2009, but it must've malfunctioned. Somehow I wound up back on November 14, 1988.

Phew! That's a relief.