Oh boy, oh boy, the annual Values Voter Summit starts today, and as usual it is a veritable smorgasbord of right-wing catnip. (It is also, according to the site's own header, the "Value Voters Summit," so I assume there are separate events for anyone who's interested in saving $$$ at Costco?)

If you can't make it to D.C. to rub elbows with the heavyweights of the conservative movement — Mike Huckabee, Carrie Prejean, Stephen Baldwin (above, with his running mate) — have a taste of what you're missing…

* "Thugocracy: Fighting the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy"

* "Defunding Planned Parenthood"

* "Speechless: Silencing the Christians"

* "Obamacare: Rationing Your Life Away"

Yeah, those all sound pretty good. That schedule's nice and values-y. But where's the workshop for those of us who believe that global warming is nothing but a hoax perpetrated by evildoers whose only goal is to murder everyone on the planet?

* "Global Warming Hysteria: The New Face of the 'Pro-Death' Agenda"

Ahh, there it is. Phew.

I was getting worried for a minute there.