One Nation Under the Lamb of God

Hey, everyone. I'm just getting re-settled after a week's vacation. (Have they announced winner of the Nobel Peace Prize? Sorry, I know that's totally boring stuff that nobody ever cares about, but I was just wondering.)

So, do you know what I was thinking about a lot during my time away from the blog? Yep, you guessed it: Jesus. And also America. And how lucky we all are that a Bedouin carpenter who was born two millenia ago founded this great nation for us all and presented us with His Holy Constitution of the Lamb's Blood (or whatever it's called).

And that got me wondering if there were maybe any hyper-didactic artworks showcasing that great moment of creation that I could hang above the alter I keep above my desk. And wouldn't you know it, but this dropped just last week…

Jon McNaughton — the creator of this masterpiece, which, as of press time, has not yet replaced the Mona Lisa in Louvre — obviously went to great trouble to cram every single square-inch of this painting with symbolism that's even more deep than the poetry my sister used to write in junior high.

For example, you see that guy on the bottom-left, holding the cell phone? That's a "Politician," and he "has his patriotic tie and American flag lapel pin, but he's more concerned about his own political ambitions than what is in the best interest of the country." Because obviously, that politician guy should really spend less time talking on his cell phone and more time groveling in self-pity like the Supreme Court Justice right near him. (I mean, what do we even elect these clowns for? Am I right?)

And, by the way, I know what you're thinking: This invented-out-of-whole-cloth image of America is all well and good for all the decent Christians out there who are looking forward to the impending American theocracy. But what about the dozen or so people who think that maybe there's something to this whole "seperation of church and state" thing?

Don't worry. The Internet's got you covered…

So, whether you're a patriotic Christian or the lowly slave of an intergalactic demon-god, your views have been rendered immaculately.

YOU WILL BLEED!!!

(via Pharyngula)