If you want to be something really scary this Halloween, why not dress as Neil Barofsky*, inspector general of the Troubled Asset Relief Program? Neil's job involves emerging from his cave every few months, terrifying the country with his terrifying numbers, and then slinking back into the darkness. Nobody knows what he eats to stay alive, or if he eats at all.

It's that time of year again, and Mr. Barofsky's latest report to Congress is spine-tingling per usual…

[Barofsky's report said that] "although several TARP recipients have repaid funds for what has widely been reported as a 17 percent profit, it is extremely unlikely that the taxpayers will see a full return on their TARP investments."

His report said some 50 billion dollars used to help avoid foreclosures "will yield no direct return." As for the investments in insurance giant AIG and auto giants General Motors and Chrysler, "full recovery is far from certain."

"The firms that were 'too big to fail' last October are in many cases bigger still," it added.

Also, the public no longer trusts the government to do things with money. That's not news, of course, but Neil Barofsky does not have cable in his lair.

^{*The ladies' version of this costume would be "sexy Neil Barofsky."}