LIVEBLOG: The Sarah Palin on Oprah Winfrey-plosion-ganza!

5:03 — Well, that happened. Levi wasn't impressed with Sarah's performance. Were you?

5:00 — Why didn't Oprah thank Trig? Why does Oprah hate Trig so much?

4:59 — Did you realize Sarah's kids were in the audience? They were. "Thank you, Piper," says Oprah as the applause rolls.

4:58 — Thanks to God and Todd. You betcha.

4:57 — "Should I be worried that you're going to get your own talk show?" Oprah asks. "You are the queen of talk shows," Sarah simpers back, then adds, "You can't shut off my mic." Um. What?

4:53 — SARAH JUST SAY IT. YOU ARE GOING TO RUN IN 2012. JUST SAY WHAT EVERYBODY KNOWS.

4:52 — "She's not retreating, she's reloading," that is how Sarah's father explains the resignation. In this metaphor Oprah is the helicopter and we are all wolves.

4:51 — Sarah had to resign because she was "being shackled behind a governor's desk." This is the new face of slavery in America.

4:49 — And Oprah still wants to know what were you thinking, Sarah, thinking you could be vice president when you have five children and no wife to take care of them? Sigh. Plus ca change, plus ca I want a martini.

4:48 — Sarah's still pissed that she didn't get to give a speech on election night.

4:46 — From Wombat, in the comments: "In five years when the world finds out that Sarah Palin has become a Democrat because she actually did research and found out that she agrees with the Party's treatment of women and children, I'm going to die laughing."

4:44 — I'd just like to take a moment to remind everyone that this lady could have been our vice president.

4:42 — Back with hot sweaty gym shots from Sarah's gym in Alaska! Mmm, step aerobics.

4:41 — We spent our commercial break being confused about Sarah's reference to Thanksgiving with "Aunt Katie." Is that a reference to the Perky One?

4:39 — Yeah, no, Levi can go stuff himself, if you know what I mean. I think that's what she was trying to say.

4:38 — Will Levi be invited to Thanksgiving dinner? Sarah's trying to get out of this one. Doesn't she know that trying to evade a question from Oprah is like a couch trying to evade Tom Cruise's feet?

4:35 — Sarah doesn't think national television is the place to talk about "some of the things Levi is doing." Sarah must not watch television, either.

4:34 — STOP. LEVI TIME.

4:30 – Jezebel thinks it's a wig.

4:28 — Okay, I wasn't gonna "go there," but fine: my nickname for Sarah Palin, today, is "The Poofy-Haired One." (Girlfriend, back away from the mousse.)

4:27 — "The Perky One." This is Sarah Palin's nickname for Katie Couric. I would love to know what Katie Couric's nickname for Sarah Palin is.

4:26 — Indecision's Darcy notes, rightly, that Sarah Palin still seems flustered by questions about her reading habits. Can she name some books and magazines she reads now? I guess she read Going Rogue when the ghostwriters gave it to her… she must've skimmed it, at least. It has lots of names she'd recognize.

4:23 — The whole problem with the Couric interviews, btw, was the way they were edited together. If you saw all those hours of unedited footage you would have a completely different opinion of Sarah Palin. More = always better.

4:22 — "I didn't do very well, I was annoyed with her badgering of questions," says Sarah re: CouricGate. Ugh, these interviewers, always with the questions, am I right?

4:18 — So, why'd McCain lose, Sarah? "Unfortunately, our ticket represented what was perceived as the status quo." Well, that's half true. Half the ticket was perceived as the status quo, the other half was perceived as… I'm gonna go with the stupid quo.

4:17 — "Weren't you told to stay on script?" asks Oprah. Yes, says Sarah, and that was puzzling.

4:15 — But hey, it's okay, because Sarah knows John McCain is "all about empowering women." Yep, just as long as they don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop.

4:14 — Sarah says the McCain campaign suggested she look into the Atkins diet. Seriously? Doesn't everyone know these low-carb things don't work?

4:13 — Show's back! So what do you think? Will Oprah make Sarah cry? Will Sarah make Oprah cry? Will this whole thing make me cry?

4:11 – An important note via Hillbuzz: "A word about Nielsen ratings.  Some of you are worried that watching Oprah today will boost her ratings.  What you need to remember is that this is only true if you are a Nielsen family." (What if you are a broken Nielsen family?)

4:10 – Dennis says: "This Jenny Craig commercial is the most distasteful thing so far." I agree! Also, I am eating a cheeseburger.

4:07 — What do you want to bet Sarah is lying about this D, anyway? It was probably a C minus.

4:06 – McCain's vetting team knew Bristol was preggers, but the only "skeleton in my closet" that Sarah was worried about was a D she got in college 22 years ago. Why has this scandal been covered up for 22 years? Also, which college is she talking about?

4:04 — Being vice president is "an executive administrative job," Sarah says. She was more than ready to "get in there" and do this "executive administrative job," because she knows how to use MS Word and Excel.

4:03 – Say, did you guys know Sarah Palin has a book out tomorrow? It's true! (The release date, not the book, necessarily.)

4:01 — Sarah Palin does not appear to be wearing an American flag pin on her lapel. Minus eleventy billion America points.

4:00 — Here we go! It's starting! "She is finally here," says Oprah!

3:57 — I know you people like these "drinking games," so here you go: We will drink every time Sarah Palin mentions guns, how much the McCain campaign kept her from being herself, and Trig. I expect to be wasted by 4:08 p.m. Eastern time.