I'm gonna warn you: If you're not already soaking in a bathtub full of water and plugged-in radios after reading yesterday's report that Fox News was the most watched cable network last week, you will be after reading this…

Our newest survey looking at perceptions of ABC News, CBS News, CNN, Fox News, and NBC News finds Fox as the only one that more people say they trust than distrust. 49% say they trust it to 37% who do not…

74% of Republicans trust Fox News, but no more than 23% trust any of the other four sources… [A] majority [of Democrats] trust all of ABC, CBS, CNN, and NBC while only 30% have faith in Fox News.

Please pass me the cyanide-laced Ebola bullets when you're finished with them, please. Why, yes, thank you. I would like a side of rusty wire noose.

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^{* I feel that I should make a distinction between different types of make-believe news. I speak here of fake news masquerading as real news, as opposed to real news masquerading fake news.}