Regarding Eric Massa's Attempt at "Snorkeling" His Shipmate

We've covered plenty of outlandish moments on this website — sexcapades, scandalgates, Sarah Palin interviews — but, honestly, this Eric Massa situation is just getting weirder and weirder, and squirm-inducing-er and squirm-inducing-er, and I'm starting to think that tomorrow Massa will rip off his face and reveal himself to be Conan O'Brien playing a giant stunt, because surely Coco's bored with Twitter by now.

Here are the latest cringe-y revelations, btw…

According to Peter Clarke, a Navy shipmate, Massa was notorious for making unwanted advances toward subordinates. He tells the story of his friend Stuart Borsch, with whom Massa shared a hotel room while on leave during the first Gulf War. "Stuart's at the edge of the bed," Clarke says Borsch told him at the time, "and [Massa] starts massaging him. Massa said, 'You'll have to get one of my special massages.' He called them 'Massa Massages.'" Ron Moss, a Navy shipmate and Borsch's roommate, confirmed that Borsch told him this story at the time.

Clarke says that Massa's roommate, Tom Maxfield, was also assaulted. "Tom lived on upper bunk," Clarke say. "When you're on ship, you're almost exhausted 24-7. So a lot of times you sleep with your uniform on. Tom and Massa shared a stateroom together. Massa climbed up on the top of his bunk, which is hard to do–you never crawl up on somebody else's bunk. He wakes up to Massa undoing his pants trying to snorkel him."

No idea what that means. Oh please oh please let "snorkel" be Navy slang for "awaken." Or maybe it's, um, actual snorkeling? They're on a ship, right? In the water? Where people snorkel?

Or not. Augh! Now I know, and there's no unknowing.

Well, I have to give Massa points for one thing: he's certainly advancing sex education in America. And hey, it's not like he's the target of an ethics investigation.