In the final installment of our inaugural celebrity series, we'd like to draw your attention to some of the less desirable dignitaries milling around Washington in the past few days.

Some were recalled from office. Some were reviled by everyone in America who isn't currently listening to an audiobook of Ann Coulter's Godless (narrated by Sean Hannity) at this very moment. And some were just plain rude to us, so we're getting them back right now.

You've probably heard of Karl Rove, or as George W. Bush calls him, "Turd Blossom." Like his right-wing compatriot Rush Limbaugh, Rove is a fat, bald, bowling pin-shaped man who gets a lot of airtime on Fox News. Although we'd like to think that Rush is better at giving "bunny ears" to liberal bloggers who pose with him at the Apple Store in Bethesda.

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Earlier we gave you a taste of the red-hot celebrities who descended upon Washington in hopes of getting within eyeshot of mega-church mega-star Rick Warren!

What you may not realize is that inside the Beltway, the likes of Tom Brokaw, Michael Wilbon and company are considered second-tier celebrities. Sure they may have fame and fortune, but can any of those guys invoke cloture on floor debate or suggest the absence of a quorum?

For those kinds of stars, we want you to meet the men and women who keep Washington running… Escorts.

But also, here are some photos of us with members of Congress.

Here's California Congressman Henry Waxman, who celebrated his recent election as Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee by purchasing a shiny new pair of platform shoes.

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There's a lot more to Inauguration Weekend than waiting for hours in tunnels and getting turned away at Barack Obama's swearing-in ceremony. Some people also build time into their schedules for lobbyist-funded celebrity jizz-fests!

We were lucky enough to partake in both over the past few days. And as much as we know you'd like photos of us in a cold, damp tunnel, we're just going to skip ahead to the celebrity pics, courtesy of the GE/NBC Universal bash at the National Women's Museum and the Illinois State Society Gala at the Renaissance Hotel.

Here's NBC News's Tom Brokaw, clearly a little star-struck to be with such prominent bloggers. He regaled us with delightful conversation for at least 3 seconds before wandering off for more sushi.

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As you've no doubt heard from People Magazine, the New York Times and the National Intelligence Briefing, Malia and Sasha Obama will soon be attending Sidwell Friends School in Washington, DC.

Well good news for our employers at Comedy Central: It just so happens that we are graduates of the very same school. Finally, your investment in us has paid off!

Below, we've answered some of the most frequently asked questions about Sidwell Friends to provide you an inside perspective on the future lives of our nation's First Kids (and hopefully score a reference in an upcoming Jonas Brothers episode.)

Q: What is the deal with the name Sidwell Friends? It's so gay.

A: The name is actually a religious reference. Sidwell Friends was founded by the group commonly known as Quakers, whose official name is the Religious Society of Friends.

Q: Oh, I know the Quakers! They're the ones who wear old clothing and don't use electricity or zippers and ride around in…

A: No, you're thinking of the Amish.

Q: …a horse and buggy like it's colonial days! And they're all peasants named Methuselah or something Biblical like that and–

A: No, that's definitely the Amish. The Quakers are totally different.

Q: Will Malia and Sasha be the first politician's children to attend Sidwell?

A: Definitely not. Tricia Nixon went there! (Also Chelsea Clinton, Al Gore III, three Biden grandchildren, Teddy Roosevelt's son, the child of basically every elected Democrat in Washington, blah blah blah.)

Q: Were the kids cruel at Sidwell? Did they ever make fun of Chelsea Clinton's appearance during her awkward teenage years?

A: No, they left that to John McCain.

Q: I'm confused. I thought that Barack Obama would never send his kids to a Quaker School, but rather a Secret Muslim Madrassa — perhaps even an al-Qaeda training camp.

A: Sadly, the press scrutiny would be too harsh if he did that. Sasha and Malia will hopefully get plenty of terrorist training, though, because Sidwell's Head of School is retiring, and esteemed educator Bill Ayers is surely on the short list to replace him.

Q: Do the girls have any chance of success with a Sidwell education?

A: Absolutely. They could be news anchors, SNL comedians, wacky TV scientists, CIA directors… The list goes on.

Q: And if they fail?

A: They can become online humor columnists.

Talk about ageism! Discriminatory Senators apparently decided that West Virginia Democrat Robert C. Byrd was simply too old for his post as Chairman of the powerful Appropriations Committee. So they forced him out and replaced him with a much younger man.

Who's only 84!

Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-W.Va.), 90, the longest-serving senator in U.S. history, announced yesterday that he is stepping down as chairman of the Appropriations Committee, one of the most powerful panels on Capitol Hill.

Byrd, whose penchant for steering billions of dollars to his state made him a legend at home and in the Senate, will relinquish his gavel under pressure from Democratic leaders who believe he has become too frail to continue in such an important job.

Sen. Daniel K. Inouye (D-Hawaii), 84, the second-ranking Democrat on the panel for decades, is expected to succeed Byrd as chairman.

This whippersnapper Inouye may think that he is the bee's knees, but he needs to learn some respect for his elders. That young hotshot probably doesn't even remember the Coolidge Administration!

Now, Byrd may have resigned by choice. But the pederast Democratic leadership certainly backed him into a corner with unhelpful accusations that…

* He sleeps through Senate proceedings, even when the leader is speaking.

* His now frequent religious outbursts are way archaic; today's hip young Senators are all about praise metal.

* He's developed a nasty recurring habit of nearly dying.

Well hopefully the Senate knows what they're getting themselves into. Just remember that back when Daniel Inouye was still in diapers, Robert Byrd was valiantly serving his country as a kindergarten student.

Fortunately for West Virginians who are concerned that Byrd's name doesn't grace enough public works, the nine-term Senator will keep his seat on the Appropriations Committee, even if he's not the chairman anymore.

And fortunately for Americans who voted against John McCain last week because they thought he was far too young for the presidency, Byrd will continue to serve as President Pro Tempore of the Senate, putting him fourth in line for the Oval Office!

Now, we know a lot of you out there in Readerland were disappointed by last night's election. Barack Obama won in a landslide, voting discrepancies were few and far between, and everyone went home with a good feeling– even grumpy old Mr. McCain managed to warm our hearts.

Well, don't fear, because you're about to get plenty of acrimonious, partisan warfare in Minnesota!

Incumbent Republican Senator Norm Coleman and Democratic challenger Al Franken appear headed for a certain recount in the razor-thin race, which currently has Coleman leading by just 600 votes out of 2.4 million cast statewide…

One of the most bitter U.S. Senate races in Minnesota history continued to grind on early this morning, with Republican Sen. Norm Coleman and DFL challenger Al Franken locked in a race that remained too close to call.

With 98 percent of the returns in, Franken and Coleman were in a virtual tie around 3 a.m. A winning margin of less than one half of 1 percent — now almost certain — would trigger an automatic recount and could delay a result for days while ballots are retabulated across the state.

By law, the losing candidate can waive a recount, but that seems highly unlikely in this race.

In anticipation of this next step, Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty has flashed the much-vaunted Katherine Harris Signal into the sky, summoning the former Florida Secretary of State to the scene.  If there's a recount to be botched, it should be botched by a pro.