I mean sure, there are bubbles with names like the ones lots of people have filled out in standardized tests, but the problem with elections is they obviously don't give you enough ballots to practice on. And you have to use a pen and no erasing!

As both the Norm Coleman and Al Franken legal teams challenge ballots for the Minnesota Senate race, you realize just how many mistakes people make. There are ballots with identifying marks, write-ins that people didn't bother voting for, votes in pencil, filled-in vote bubbles that were crossed out and a giant NO next to Coleman's name where both Coleman and Franken have been chosen.

In the famous Beltrami County ballot that will be the Hanging Chad of Aught Eight, a reptilian-American wrote-in "Lizard People" for President. Though the voter chose Al Franken for Senate, he/she filled in the write-in line as well for the Lizard People. It was thrown out by the county as an over vote.

Several questions arise: Should the county have accepted the Franken vote? Does the voter consider Al Franken equivalent to the Lizard People? Is Lizard People a collective, or just one person like Cat Power? If elected, will the Lizard People rule benignly or will they control us with their forked-tongue tyranny?

You may remember Waxman from the series of lonely unrequited letters about torture, CIA leaks, fake Niger uranium, etc. he sent to President Bush when the Democrats were in the minority.

Waxman's leadership indicates a huge change for the Committee, namely that large portions of environmental and energy policy should be dictated by the state with the most stringent rules on auto emissions and gas mileage (and most cars and miles of freeway), rather than a state beholden to an industry bent on thwarting those changes.

This upends the traditional seniority system for House committee chairmanships.

"Seniority is important, but it should not be a grant of property rights to be chairman for three decades or more," Waxman said after emerging from the caucus meeting.

Committee chairs will now be selected based on contests including best mustache and shiniest head.

Wait, didn't Daschle work as a lobbyist after getting booted from the Senate?

Although not a registered lobbyist, he provides "strategic advice" to commercial clients in the fields of health care, energy, telecommunications and taxes, according to public documents. His wife, Linda Hall Daschle, is registered, and she is regarded as one of the most influential professional lobbyists in the capital.

Oh, his wife's the lobbyist. He just plays Stratego. No problem!

Speaking of botched health care plans, Hillary Clinton continues to play the "will she, won't she" game on the Secretary of State front. Even as President Clinton is going through some heavy vetting to clear the way for an appointment, Senator Clinton can't decide whether she wants the job…

"A lot of the speculation and reporting is out ahead of the facts here," said the person, who requested anonymity. "She is still weighing this, independent of President Clinton's work."

Is it because she doesn't want to be associated with a place called Foggy Bottom?

The exciting part of this otherwise incredibly boring cabinet appointment is that we can continue to play everyone's favorite game, What Will Dean Do? After failing miserably at his 50 state strategy (Obama only won 29), Chairman Dean is looking for a new job. What should Dean Do Next? Aside from start that Fugazi cover band.

Rudy is contemplating a run for New York's governor. Based on recent trends — NY went for Obama by 26 points — the state looks like it's ready to turn rightward.

Rudy's also keen on keeping options open for the Presidency…

Giuliani also wouldn't rule out the possibility of making a second run for the presidency. "No one knows whether you'll do something again until you come to the point of: 'Is it possible to do it again? Would you have a chance of winning?'" he said. "I mean, those are just things you can't evaluate right now."

Since he only blew through $59 million for his one delegate, he could easily break that record in 2012. Because in 4 years, Republicans will be ready for a pro-choice cross dresser, who, according to Ed Koch, "looks like he'd kill an old woman in a wheel chair."

I'm hopeful that Rudy runs for something, since it makes my job easier, but there are problems with the longevity of his campaigns.

Given Rudy's track record when he ran against Hillary for the Senate, not to mention his super awesome "We'll win it all in Florida" performance in the GOP primaries, my guess is that he'll announce at a press conference that he's running for governor, then issue a press release five minutes later to confirm that he's dropping out.

President Bush has made some vague plans to pardon some thousands of people who might have done anything at all related to torture or rendition in his administration, and as a response Obama is looking to set up a non-partisan torture commission to investigate these people anyway.

Bush's next step in this already surreal version of torture chess might be to claim executive privilege and refuse to surrender documents just because he used to be president. There is some precedent in this case. Harry Truman, when subpoenaed after leaving office, gave this polite 'fuck off' in response…

If the doctrine of separation of powers and the independence of the presidency is to have any validity at all, it must be equally applicable to a president after his term of office has expired.

But that would be crazy. That's like your Vice President claiming to be part of the legislative branch.

Some speculate that Bush wouldn't actually issue the bigass Sam's Club Pardon because it might "be viewed by the public as a tacit admission of colossal wrongdoing — after years of public denial — which would do nothing to help Bush's tarnished legacy."

But given the Bush legacy, could it really hurt?

Much of the conference has been an in-depth look on what went wrong in 2008, aided by those useful sports metaphors…

Former eBay CEO Meg Whitman, who started the race in former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney's corner but later worked for McCain, chimed in: "What happened here is the party and John dropped Sarah into the ninth inning of the World Series three runs down."

Perhaps a more complete analogy would be that you only played Little League before, you've never really mastered the rules of the game, you ignore the batting coach's bunt signs and you play for the Chicago Cubs.

Originally slated as a 20 minute event, Palin's time with the press was cut short by Governor Rick Perry, who took the mic away from her.

Isn't it weird how wherever she goes people in her party want her to stop talking? Doesn't matter: you can't stop the maverick from going rogue.

As to speculation on running in 2012, Governor Palin has shown that we will still have plenty of crazy-homeless person syntax after President Bush leaves office…

"That is based on my philosophy that it's crazy to close a door before you know what's even open in front of you," she said.

That would be a door, Governor.

In a craven election promise President-elect Obama offered his daughters a puppy but since Malia has allergies, and the new Administration refuses to cave in to the Pharma lobby and give her medicine, they need to find a suitable, hypoallergenic dog. Or just get the girls a Roomba, which is cute and helps clean the house.

Enter the nation of Peru, which has offered the Obama family a four-month-old Peruvian Hairless puppy named Machu Picchu. The hairless breed of dog was revered by the Incan kings of old and is said to even mitigate asthma and arthritis.

"They do not cause any type of allergy and are very friendly and sweet," said Claudia Galvez, 38, director of the Friends of the Peruvian Hairless Dog Association.

Should they go with the dog Malia's allergies will be fine, because Machu Picchu is ugly enough to clear the room.

But, how would the Obama transition team handle rejecting this most awesome offer? Explain that accepting it…

* Would show favoritism to Peru and jeopardize trade talks with Colombia.

* Sends the wrong message about preferential treament to big-eared beings.

* Looks like an overt endorsement of Taco Bell.

* Would alienate the Furries whose support has been so critical to the Obama victory.

Detroit's Big Three automakers have some toxic assets for you too, but you might know them by other names, like the Chevy Tahoe, the Ford Expedition and the Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Democratic leaders in Congress are pressing the Bush Administration to help bail out the Big Three automakers, who are hemorrhaging money right now and high-fiving themselves for continuing to make giant SUVs as gas prices hit $4/gallon. It's not that they are too big to fail, but rather that they are too "In a State That Went for Obama by 16 Points" to fail…

"In order to prevent the failure of one or more of the major American automobile manufacturers … Congress and the Bush administration must take immediate action," stated House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

Democratic leaders are attempting to draft a compromise to allow emergency funds, up to $50 Billion, to be given to the auto industry, but any bailout would include government oversight and limits to executive compensation.

There is no word on whether the companies would required by law to stop making giant crappy gas pump-fellating vehicles that nobody wants.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid wants Lieberman to be punished, since he broke a promise and waged a negative campaign against Obama.

Lieberman has made the situation a little tense: He "insisted that he will split from the Democrats if his homeland security position is stripped."

Obviously, becoming a Republican would almost certainly be a great career move for Lieberman, since he'd lose seniority, be in the minority and find himself surrounded by people who disagree with him 75% of the time.

On the other hand, it may be handy for Democrats to have a sanctimonious prick around the caucus. Should you have any future sex scandals, or you just want to encourage diversity by keeping a token Republican on your team. Plus it's a neat way to draw fire from the party's progressive wing away from Obama.

Bill Clinton is reportedly "making calls on Sen. Lieberman's behalf," but the Clinton camp has denied it.

It's not surprising that Bubba and Barack have bound common cause: Both succeeded a Bush, both are known as black presidents, and both were instrumental in derailing Hillary's presidential ambitions.

Jeff Merkley has unseated Republican Incumbent Gordon Smith. 82% of precincts have been counted in the Beaver State.

This victory puts the Democrats in control of 56 votes in the Senate, which means they'll still need four Republican votes to crossover to drum out Senate felon Ted Stevens (R-Attica), should he win.

Stevens still has a slight lead in the 220,000 ballots cast, which is about one voter from every buck in he received in housing renovations.