Candidate Casting Couch: Superheroes

There's been lots of buzz recently about the upcoming season of NBC's "Heroes." Stories about product placement, overseas marketing, corporate breakdowns between NBC and Apple-sounds like our kind of show! Until we watched it. What a rip: no costumes, no capes, and nary an evil super-villain in sight. Unfulfilled and misunderstood, we retreated to our own Fortress of Solitude (a.k.a. the Olive Garden in Times Square) and geeked out all night (a.k.a. we ate enough bottomless salad to cover the $9.95 menu price), Indecision 2008-style!

Hillary Clinton = She-Hulk
Trained as a lawyer, can kick pretty much any guy's ass, marriage to Man-Wolf was probably a mistake.

Mike Gravel = Wolverine
Intense, outdoorsy misanthrope from the Great White North with little memory of his past — possibly insane.

John McCain = Phoenix
You keep thinking the bitch is gone for good, but, guess what, you're wrong again.

John Edwards = Robin/Nightwing
Kinda just worked better as a sidekick.

Fred Thompson = Onslaught
The payoff totally wasn't worth all the hype.

Joe Biden = Beast
Can't keep his mouth shut, ineffectual leader — has kinda weird hair.

Duncan Hunter = Aquaman
Bottom-dweller.

Bill Richardson = Captain Planet
A good idea in theory, but there's just something lame about him.

Mitt Romney = Metamorpho
Able to change shape at will to suit his current needs.

Barack Obama = Black Lightning
Energetic…?

Rudy Giuliani = The Punisher
Italian American, native-New Yorker, people seem to like pretending he's a hero for some reason.

Al Gore = Galactus
Lurking out there somewhere, feeds off the destruction of the planet to maintain his massive girth.

Ron Paul = Matter-Eater Lad
Getting a lot of internet buzz, but… c'mon.

Tags: Al Gore, Barack Obama, Bill Richardson, Candidate Casting Couch, Duncan Hunter, Fred Thompson, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, John Edwards, John McCain, Mike Gravel, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani