• War Hero McCain Secretly a War Hero

    Did you know that John McCain, war hero, spent many decades serving his country as a war hero? It's totally true!

    Starting in Meridian, Miss., the presumptive Republican presidential nominee will reintroduce himself to the American people. A former Navy aviator and prisoner of war, he will make a series of speeches on family, military and professional milestones in his life.His campaign calls it the "Service to America Tour."

    From his fearless stand at the Battle of Appomattox to his heartwrenching years in a North Vietnamese prison, McCain's war hero resume is long indeed.

    Unfortunately, despite mentioning his war heroism in his campaign speeches and making television ads about his war heroism and having hundreds of newspaper articles written about his war heroism, war hero John McCain is now fighting the battle of his life: he's trying to make the American people understand that he is, deep down, a war hero.

    "I'd like to believe that all 300 million Americans know me, but unfortunately, that's not the case," McCain said recently in Phoenix.

    And there's one other little problem. War heroes tend to be associated with war

    The Arizona senator, the son and grandson of admirals and a decorated Navy pilot and prisoner of war, is the most vocal congressional supporter of President George W. Bush's Iraq policies and has all but staked his candidacy on their success. Republican strategists said the party's presumptive nominee must proceed with caution in backing an increasingly unpopular war."War-fighting is a divisive topic right now, and what he must hope is that service is not," said Tucker Eskew, a former Bush adviser who isn't aligned with the campaign.

    Got that, America? War is bad, except for the fact that it creates war heroes, and war heroes are good because they fought in the war, which is bad. John McCain, as a war hero, is good, but the wars he fought in were bad because all wars are bad, and right now he supports the current war in Iraq (VERY bad) but you can feel good about him anyway because he is, as mentioned, a war hero, which is very, very good.

    In other words, he only wants to continue the bad war because he knows it will give more Americans a chance of becoming war heroes, who are good, just like him.


    Tags: John McCain

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.