After Marvel Comics editor-in-chief Joe Quesada announced that Stephen Colbert is still running for president in the Marvel Universe, we decided to follow up by contacting a reporter in that universe for updates on his campaign. What follows is the first of those updates.
With the Pennsylvania primaries fast approaching, someone has waged an April Fool's Day protest against the candidates.
The DB!, along with other media outlets, received "government-official documents" representing the controversial Superhero Registration Act on Tuesday. Allegedly completed and signed by each of the candidates, the April 1st-dated forms detailed their individual "attributes."
According to the fabricated paperwork, which highlights "Powers and Extranormal Abilities," Senator Barack Obama can "distance himself from crazed religious mentors in the blink of an eye," and Senator Hillary Clinton is described as a "trans-dimensional traveler…able to journey to alternate Bosnias where she actually has withstood heavy enemy fire."As for Senator John McCain, who's labeled as "older than McAbel…and twice as grouchy," his registration form claims that gamma radiation testing in the Arizona desert "transformed him into a hulking war hero" in the 1960s.No one is coming forth and taking credit for this April tom-Foolery. Federal officials are reportedly considering an investigation, due to U.S. Postal Service involvement; as a result, criminal prosecution may also be considered.
Among those hoping that won't be the case are members of Stephen Colbert's presidential campaign. Of those who "registered" themselves under the Act on Tuesday, only Colbert emerged from the paperwork relatively uncut. The document lists his attributes as "chiseled features" and "the ability to swing elections in his favor via 'The Colbert Bump.'"
"Clearly, the perpetrator is a supporter of Mr. Colbert's," said a source inside the Colbert camp, who declined to endorse the hoax or comment on the other candidates' attributes. "Contrary to what the forms of those constituents may indicate, none of them has ever displayed exceptional talents which merit worldwide attention."
Tags: Ken Ellis, Marvel, Stephen Colbert