John McCain is Cock-Blocking Barack Obama's Election

For presidential contenders, deciding whether or not to take public financing is kind of like choosing a prom date. Do they make their moms proud by picking the nearsighted good girl who obeys her curfew and never skips a class? Or do they go with the hot, busty cheerleader who has no limits, if you know what I mean?

A long time ago, before he had learned just how lucrative hope is, Barack Obama said he would accept public financing in a general election.

But now he is the most popular man in America, which means that cheerleader would totally go to third base with him. So he wants to ditch the nerd, pronto, and one cranky old man thinks that just isn't fair…

Sen. John McCain prodded Sen. Barack Obama Friday to live up to a past commitment to accept public funds for the general election, telling his potential rival, "Keep your promise to the American people."

See, war hero John McCain has no lustful interest in cheerleaders. He's been saying for ages that he'd be perfectly happy to take public funding, as long as his Democratic rival does the same.

Which raises an interesting question: What will he do if Obama wins the Democratic nomination and decides to go back on his pledge?

Asked under what conditions he might not take the federal funds, [McCain] replied, "A little straight talk: How it benefits us. How it's most beneficial to us."

Exactly! Wait, what? That answer doesn't make any sense.

I think we can read between the lines, though. John McCain is starting to realize that the hot cheerleader might have a sister.