John McCain Will Not Die Within the Very Near Future

Sure, everyone knows that we don't want to risk electing an America-hating Islamic jihadist — or, worse yet, a Clinton — into the White House. But our only other option is a guy who's, not only older than the concept of the female orgasm, but whose body has been broken into little pieces and then left to heal in roughly the shape of an origami swan.

How long can a guy like that hold up under heat lamp gaze of White House correspondents like Madeline Albright?

Luckily, John McCain has a note from the team of doctors that keep him alive…

…Team McCain is quietly starting to get serious about confronting the age issue – it plans to convene an unusual meeting of the senator's doctors next month to answer questions about his health, the Daily News has learned…

A Washington Post-ABC News poll last month found that 27% of likely voters said McCain's age makes them "less enthusiastic" about his candidacy…

"It only takes one day on the road with John McCain to know that what doctors say about his health is absolutely true," said McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds. "He's in excellent shape."

Well, if McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds and the battalion of medical professionals on the Senator's payroll say he'll live through 2012, that's all I need to know.

By then, I'm sure we'll have mastered head-in-a-jar technology anyway.

(via Wonkette)