Guest Editorial: "In My Dreams, I Have a Hetero-Lesbian Crush on Hillary Clinton" by Tara Murtha

I can't stop picturing Hillary in a vest, thick steel rainbow rings snug to her neck, khaki cut-off fringe gently brushing her knees as she swishes to and fro class with me, carrying my copy of Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

This is true, though it's totally not why I voted for her in the PA primary. I work in a liberal office. Most random questions are of "'Is mummified-as-a-dog's-dick' hyphenated when used as an adjective?" ilk. (The answer is yes.) Being the lone Hillary lighthouse in a storm of Obama support is no news to me.

Thing is, isn't Obama kind of like the thinking man's Bush? A lot of the Obama supporters I know this time around who were naturally disgusted when W was (sort of) elected have the same answer: they like his attitude. That's what the red-staters said about Bush, remember? They liked his can-do folksy wisdom and us liberals smirked our way into a whole new genre of hatriot humor.

And now, when you ask many Obama supporters why they like Obama, they say…

Basically the same thing. (Albeit without spinning their spurs, firing pistols in the air and letting out big ol' rebel yells.)

Weird.

Anyway, I fooled around with (supporting) Hillary in college. Everyone said: It's just college, you're just experimenting! But it stuck. I saw her speak in '96, and she told me (with her eyeballs) that she was putting up with this Lewinsky shit because she knows she can't get into the White House without the experience. Only 12 years of my life passed doing menial jobs and regretting studying liberal arts and ta-da: Here we are!

Obama's cool, but my man should wait his turn. Heart-ons for Hillary have been beating too long to stop now!

Tara Murtha is a Philadelphia-based writer of nonfiction and anti-establishment embellishment. She’s A&E Editor at Philadelphia Weekly. Her soapbox is both collapsible and portable.

(Ed: This is the first in a new series of guest editorials on Indecision 2008. The idea is to mine the wisdom of interesting and intelligent writers from other corners of the media to better portray how Americans are viewing this election cycle. If you think you might have an interesting take that we'd be interested in, contact us.)