• Liveblog: The West Virginia Irrelevancy

    9:52 – Chris Matthews just called Mayor Willie Brown "Harold Ford Jr."  Geez.  I wonder what those two have in common that could have confused him…

    9:46 – The night's over and it belongs to Hillary. We leave you with this final West Virginia fun fact:

    FACT: Readers of the blog may be excited to learn that West Virginia was rated to have the second worst oral health in the country!

    With this in mind, the Indecision 2008 team feels that the teeth of Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are simply too elitist for the Mountain State (although Hillary does win points for yellowness.) That's why we're calling tonight's race for a write-in candidate whose oral hygiene is more respectful of working people! By the way, the state with the #1 worst oral health in the country? It's none other than next week's primary host, Kentucky– surely McCain country!

    9:29 – Ok, so Terry McAuliffe prepped us for Hillary's speech by telling us it would be the greatest speech EVER! So how did it rank?

    9:28 – Best. Speech. Ever.

    9:27 – Wait, a little boy sold his bicycle in order to send Hillary a campaign contribution? That sounds bad.

    9:23 – Conciliatory words from Hillary: "I will work my heart out for the nominee to make sure we have a Democrat in the White House in November." She also says that the long nominating race as been a healthy process for whoever the nominee is.

    9:21 – Hillary Clinton is clearly very serious about this race. It says a tremendous amount about her that she is delivering this speech as though everything is A-OK, even though every pundit and talking head has declared her dead on arrival. Is there anyone else in the country with that kind of resolve? Joe Biden and Chris Dodd battled on the evening of Iowa caucuses to each attempt to withdraw FIRST!

    9:17 – Hillary: "I never give up. I keep coming back." There's really no denying that.

    9:11 – Standard background behind Hillary for her big speech. Old person. Black guy. Adorable child. Bored looking teenager.usuals.jpg

    9:08 – John Denver reference! Didn't see that coming.
    9:07 – Clinton's "victory" speech is starting. Ahh!! My eyes! That pantsuit! So salmon!!

    9:02 – Current background music at Clinton HQ: "Free Ride" by the Edgar Winter Group. The song lyrics claim that the singer comes from Kentucky … coincidence??

    8:58 – McAuliffe just incorrectly announced that Clinton won the Missouri primary. Oops.

    8:57 – Terry McAuliffe has someone behind him waving a sign that says "We Pakistan Love." Thoughts?

    8:56 – Terry McAuliffe is taking the stage in Charleston. Earlier in the evening, he declared that tonight Hillary would deliver "the greatest speech ever." He should know, as the deliverer of the slimiest speech ever.

    8:47 - From the CNN stream: Clinton supporters demonstrate that they are able to clap in unison.

    8:43 – REAL NEWS – though not election related. Barry Bonds has been charged with 14 counts of perjury.

    8:38 – Ok, I know this is going to sound weird, but I have more respect for Bill O'Reilly right now than CNN and MSNBC combined. I'm watching those other two networks try to bull shit their way through 5 hours with coverage from West Virginia.

    Bill? He's talking about some teacher-student sex scandal. He knows there's no news out of West Virginia, so he's telling us what the real news is.

    8:35 – CNN has a live feed from inside the Clinton campaign HQ. By watching, we just learned that her supporters just figured out how to do the wave.

    8:30 – The Washington Post is live with the news that Hillary Clinton leads Barack Obama, with a total of 0 votes to Obama's 0 votes. "Other" is in a distant third with 0 votes, followed by Dennis Kucinich.

    8:22 – In an acknowledgment of his New York Times-predicted "shellacking" in the West Virginia primary, Barak Obama spent the day campaigning in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.

    Cape Girardeau is notable for its strategic location on the Mississippi River and its favorite son, Rush Limbaugh, who has single-handedly kept its Hardee's in business on visits home.

    8:18 - From the comments, Sgt. Pepper Politics offers us another bizarre, Hitchcock related poll that we don't really understand. But lacking any actual news, we shall offer it up to you.

    8:12 – MSNBC pundit Mike Huckabee (huh?) is comparing Hillary Clinton to Rocky Balboa because they both like back rubs. We find this comparison ironic.

    8:06 – The Washington Post is reporting that Clinton's victory speech will held in the "bowels" of a Charleston, WV convention center, "where two sets of bleachers will accommodate no more than a few hundred lucky supporters." No report on how quickly those supporters will be expunged from the bowels after the Senator's speech.

    7:58 – Time for another West Virginia fact:

    FACT: The Senior Senator is Robert C. Byrd, chairman of the Senate's powerful octogenarian caucus and a staff favorite in the assisted living wing of the Capitol. Prior to his tenure in the Senate, Byrd served in a different citizens' body — let's call it a Kongressional Kampaign Kommittee– but these days he mostly just sleeps.

    7:55 – This just in! It's all over folks – we can now finally know the results of tonight's voting for sure. The Fresno, California Bee is officially calling the election for Hillary Clinton.

    7:51 – CNN offers the latest evidence yet that Hillary is in fact the Yeti, dressed in a salmon pantsuit.

    cnnyeti.jpg

    7:40 – If the networks can do a bunch of nonsensical filler material in an attempt to pretend that tonight's primary is relevant, so can we. Throughout the night we'll be giving you little known facts about West Virginia.

    FACT: Our readers may be surprised to know that althouhg West Virginia voted for George W. Bush in each of the past two elections, its highest-ranking state officials are Democrats.

    The governor is Joe Manchin. Since taking office, Diamond Joe has attempted to make “open for business” the state's motto of West Virginia. We assume the same adage adorns the tip jar on his desk.

    7:30 – Breaking! Hillary Clinton wins West Virginia.

    7:29 – Only 12 seconds until Brith Hume tells us Hillary Clinton won!

    7:26 – Drudgereport.com has preemptively deemed Clinton "Ms. West Virginia" at the top of its main page, in a foolhardy attempt to be cute. The Indecision2008 team will keep you posted on the impending lawsuit by Holli Marie Owens, the rightful bearer of that hard-earned title.

    7:21 – BREAKING! Hillary Clinton is about to top Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream," Abraham Lincoln's "Gettysburg Address," and Jesus Christ's "Sermon on the Mount" according to Terry McAuliffe. (Thanks to Joe in the comments)

    7:20 - The New York Times has apparently minimized its prediction of Hillary Clinton's margin of victory in West Virginia. Initially, the paper's webpage reported that the Obama campaign was "expecting a shellacking." As of this hour, that has been downgraded to "expecting a big loss." Stop the presses!

    7:16 – Brit Hume knows who's going to win!! But he won't tell us for 14 minutes… But we know what he's going to say. Highlight the following text for a BIG spoiler!! Hillary Clinton will wing West Virginia.

    7:12 – So what do you think the outcome of tonight will be?

    7:10 – Over on Fox News, Brit Hume makes fun of Major Garrett for not being able to pronounce "R"s and "L"s. I believe this is an indicator of how little news we expect to see tonight.

    7:02 – With less than a half hour to go, Wolf Blitzer tells us that tonight's primary won't change anything with regards to the Democratic nomination. So why does CNN have "West Virginia Primary Coverage" on their broadcast schedule from 7:00 – 12:00?


    Tags: Barack Obama, CNN, Fox, Hillary Clinton, Liveblog, MSNBC, West Virginia

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