LiveBlog: The Oretucky Primaries – Bourbon vs. Kind Bud

Update: Continue reading the Oretucky Primaries LiveBlog here.

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KENTUCKY 100% Reporting

CLINTON 65%
OBAMA 30%

9:13 – We think that Sean Hannity summarized the Kentucky primary so well– Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright– that we're going to leave it at that for now. The live blog is taking a hiatus right now, but we'll be back as Barack Obama speaks and the Oregon results come in around 11pm EST. If you get lonely, don't despair. Sean and Alan will be on the air for almost the entire time we're gone!

9:08 – Barack Obama is making a gutsy decision to give his speech in Iowa tonight. We hope he realizes he’s just a scream away from ending up as the next DNC chairman.

9:06 – They just showed Colmes! Only 5 minutes into his own show!

9:03 – Hannity has declared that tonight's Kentucky race was about Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright. Apparently he only gets his news from watching his own re-runs.

9:01 – Hannity and Colmes have taken the air. Well actually just Hannity. They cut to a correspondent before showing Colmes.

8:59 – Fox's Tammy Bruce calls Barack Obama "the national Ned Lamont." We call Tammy Bruce "the cable news Angelica Huston."

8:54 – You have to love Pat Buchanon's Dennis the Menace-style cowlicks on the back of his head. Watching him reminds this blogger of how great a show The McLaughlin Group is. (Pat's their "voice of the right.")

8:51 – The Factor has shifted from election coverage to tormenting a college student. Clearly O'Reilly left detailed notes for Laura Ingraham to follow until he gets back.

8:49 – Loyal reader Sgt. PepperPolitics notes that Hillary Clinton's lack of a flag pin might be owed to a Tim Russert-diagnosed "bipolar disorder."

8:45 – CNN is showing the beginnings of the Barack Obama rally in Des Moines. Afro-jazz salsa drummers are prominently featured in the background. Perhaps the Clinton campaign hired them?

8:41 – Andrea Kremer is showing solidarity with Barack Obama tonight by dressing like a man.

8:35 – Ahem! Where was Hillary's flag lapel pin??

8:33 – Clinton again mentions the boy who sold all his worldly possessions to contribute to her campaign. Will she now demand that he be seated at the convention?

8:31 – Is Clinton being paid by the word in this speech? Specifically the word "Kentucky."

8:30 – Clinton has also demanded that the DNC seat the Michigan delegation.

8:28 – Clinton: "It's often been said, as (name of state I'm in) goes, so goes the nation!"

8:27 – Hillary has once again demanded that the DNC seat the Florida delegation—or at least designate a wheelchair row for them.

8:26 – Abercrombie should ask for their money back. They've got no one behind Clinton tonight.

8:22 – Clinton: "It's not just Kentucky bluegrass that's music to my ears." Later tonight she'll say the same about Oregon's Sleater-Kinney.

8:18 – Hillary pays tribute to Ted Kennedy. Well put! Her graciousness is not taken lightly.

8:17 – Clinton is so good at working the name of the state she’s visiting into her speeches. If she doesn’t win the presidency, she should really give some serious thought to becoming an arena rocker.

8:16 – Here comes Hillary! She's wearing a "horse mane" pantsuit and a "bluegrass" sash.

8:14 – It's kind of disappointing that Kentucky's most famous resident, Big Brown did not endorse either candidate. He's obviously being advised by John Edwards.

8:04 – Ingraham's guest on The Factor has declared that Hillary's voters have "turned off the other cable news networks" since only Fox is fair and balanced toward Hillary.

8:03 – Laura Ingraham is subbing for Bill O'Reilly on the Factor tonight. One unbiased, independent host replaces another.

8:00 – Fox News's Shepard Smith appears to be trying out to replace Oprah. He's got everything from the couch full of guests to the heavy eyeliner.

7:58 – Look at all the crap on CNN's set! Talk about a bold play for the "pack rat" viewing demographic.

7:48 – Lawrence Kudlow: A voice somewhere between Chris Matthews and Bill O'Reilly. And the face of Russian composer Igor Stravinsky.

7:42 – Could it be that Terry McAuliffe eats caffeine in rock form?

7:37 – The longer Brit Hume delivers Dick Cheney's talking points, the more he develops Cheney's slanted mouth. Maybe it's the words that do that to you.

7:34 – McCain has re-injected Hillary Clinton's name into his attack speeches. Guess last week's West Virginia results have him back to hedging his bets.

7:31 – Fox News is really cutting back. Their current correspondent apparently came without eyes.

7:30 – Okay, it now appears that Chris Wallace's poll only consisted of Lou Dobbs and his house pets.

7:27 – Pretty sure that CNN's Lou Dobbs only agreed to share a stage with minorities if he could be placed on a platform such that he looms over them.

7:26 – Chris Wallace says 22% of Kentuckians care about race, according to his poll, and 81% of those people voted for Hillary Clinton.

7:24 – Fox News is reporting that Hillary recently held a "bloggers only" news conference. Since this blog was not invited to participate, we're going to ignore this information.

7:18 – Robert Byrd is crying on the Senate Floor on Kudlow and Company

7:17- Lawrence Kudlow has not, one, not four, but SIX angry men shouting on his CNBC show right now.

7:14 – Hillary Clinton is taking a major risk by appearing in Kentucky tonight. This is a state that has not been kind to ladies who finish second

7:09 – Donna Brazile is a permanent pundit on CNN, but no one ever points out what a loser she's been. Here are some presidential campaigns she served on: Carter/Mondale '80, Jesse Jackson '84, Mondale/Ferraro '84, Gephardt '88, Gore/Lieberman '00.

7:08 – Candy Crowley expects Hillary to make her Kentucky speech in approximately an hour.

7:01 – Fox, MSNBC, CNN and several Burger King ads have all called Kentucky for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

7:00 - Checking the TV schedule, Fox News isn't going to preempt The O'Reilly Factor with election coverage… and for good reason!

6:56 – Looks like MSNBC is going to cut their primary coverage at midnight EST… so they can air "After Hours: Kentucky & Oregon." Pffew!

6:53 – Glad to see Ricky Gervais– pardon me– Chuck Todd has got his electoral map all figured out on MSNBC.

6:44 – CNN respectfully acknowledges that tonight's primary is not actual news. Ted Kennedy's malignant tumor is.

It doesn't get any more fake exciting than this!

Today, two states that really couldn't have anything less to do with one another will have their say in choosing between the black dude and the white chick.

Which one will the latte-drinking, poetry-writing, vegetarian stoners pick? And who is the candidate of choice for toothless, bourbon-swilling banjo prodigies?

Tonight, all will be revealed!

So check back here throughout the night to get all your election coverage from the last place in the world that you should ever get your election coverage.

Tags: Barack Obama, CNN, Fox, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Kentucky, Liveblog, MSNBC, Oregon