So, after writing our response to Jezebel's scathing attack on the size of our penises and quality of our dingleberries, I quickly sent off this "frantic email" to their website's tip address…
Subject Heading: Concerning Indecision 2008 and Vehement Anger
I'm the news editor for the Indecision 2008 blog. So, first of all, thank you for all the traffic.
But, I thought I should let you know that you have your "Ah, Yes, The Boys Club And Their "Humor" post mis-categorized. Right now you have it in "Crap Blog Post From a Dude," when it should really be in "Crap Blog Post From a Chick."
Just thought you should know.
I know! I don't know what came over me. I must have just been so blinded with misogynistic fervor that those hateful words poured from my fingers like black bile.
Anyway, Jezebel was kind enough to write back… on Jezebel. You can — and should — read the whole thing here.
This whole thing is way too boring to respond to in full here on the blog, but I would like to vent on a few bits…
Naturally, he saw nothing funny in my piece or your comments…
That's not true. I found some of the comments funny.
…though I'm sure he found the comment "people need to lighten up and get the sand out of their vaginas" fucking hilarious…
Oh, yeah. I was rolling. You nailed it, Jezebel. That's my sense of humor.
Dennis ends with a defense of his sex life, letting me know he only sleeps with woman who have a sense of humor. Dennis, I've now seen pictures of you. I have to agree on that last bit.
Credit where credit is due: That is a good line. I wish I'd written it. If the rest of their posts on this made-up outrage were written with that kind of panache instead of the base scatology that they resorted to instead, I'd be all about them.
Anyway, so here's where we are.
* Jezebel exposes its own sexism by assuming a female comedy writer is a man, based upon zero information.
* Jezebel misrepresents — either by accident or on purpose — that female writer's satirical intent to make fun of Barbara Walters' overt sizism in a successful effort to stir a bunch of people who enjoy getting offended into getting offended.
* We respond in what I think was a pretty calm and sober fashion, making certain to keep our retorts confined to the subject being debated.
* We send our response to them via email.
* Jezebel responds on their blog, and makes a personal attack against me and the way I look.
Take a moment to let that sink in. Jezebel responded to a post about making fun of the way people look by making fun of the way I look.
So, which is it, Jezebel? Is it wrong to make fun of a person for the way he or she looks, or is it justified when done in the pursuit of exposing a wrong?
And, to be clear: The writer of the piece was not making fun of the way Hillary Clinton looks! She was making fun of Barbara Walters for making fun of the way Hillary Clinton looks.
First of all, Hillary Clinton is not overweight. Maybe she's overweight compared to that vapid, image-obsessed attention glutton named Barbara Walters, but she's perfectly fit as far as any of us can see. She's so not a "lard-ass." To characterize her like that is absurd. We honestly believed that people would understand that we were pushing Walters' comment to the extreme to show it as the idiotic sizist insult that it is.
And I think people were cool with it and did get the joke until Jezebel wasn't and didn't. And now everybody who's coming over from them is thrilled at the chance to be gloriously offended by the disgusting male chauvinists at Comedy Central. Well, too bad for you, because you won't find any over here. But, obviously, that won't stop some of you from being offended, because you're already invested in the idea.
I'd like to be offended by Jezebel calling me out on my ugliness, but I just can't. I mean, they're right. There's a reason I'm a writer and not a male model. I'm short, balding, near-sighted. I'm, like, creepily skinny, but I've still got this kind of bizarre-looking inner tube of fat around my waist. No matter how much antiperspirant I use, the underarms of my t-shirts are soaked within minutes. I don't know what the deal is with that. Oh, and let's not even get into the high-pitched and whiny tone of my voice. Anyway, I really can't argue with Jezebel on this point.
Thinking about this whole thing, I'd say our biggest trespass was writing "The vaginas over at Jezebel…" in the original post. You don't have to believe me when I say this — and you probably won't — but the writer definitely did not mean to offend Jezebel by calling them "vaginas." I can't speak for her, but I can only imagine that she — as a fan of the site — assumed that it would be read as playfulness.
But, I will say this right now: We apologize — honestly and unequivocally — for referring to the women of Jezebel as "vaginas." We are genuinely sorry to have offended anybody with that. Gigantic floppity misstep.
And just a quick note about "CubbyChaser." That's a portmanteau of "cub reporter" and "news chaser" (I think; can't remember exactly) with the added benefit of sounding like "chubby chaser," which, I suppose, was funny to us for around five minutes. It was originally created when we started blogging more seriously about specific news items to supplement our lists of which candidate most resembles which character from whatever. The intent was to post all the featurey stuff as "TheInDecider" and all the newsy stuff as "CubbyChaser." As time went by, we started adding more and more people to the news writing team, and they all got published as "CubbyChaser."
Anyway, the woman who wrote the piece that everyone's upset about is one of six different people who publish under that name. I can't tell you why we do things like that; it's not the best set up.
So, that's that. I hope everyone out there is still boiling over with rage over this highly important issue.
p.s. Yes, you can find a goodly number of pictures of my physical grotesqueness with a just quick hop over to Google Images.
Tags: Barbara Walters, Hillary Clinton, The View