…You Might Be a Muslim

Barack Obama has launched a website called Fight the Smears, in which he strikes back against the negative jabs that get thrown his way. The site includes a section refuting the rumor that Obama is a Muslim. Counter-refutations have started to surface, including this handy guide we found in the bathroom at Swifty's Swiftboatery Inn and Swiftboatorium:

* If you greet your wife fist-to-fist instead of open palm-to-open palm, you might be a Muslim.

* If you want to turn the USA into a terrorist paradise with universal terrorist healthcare and college tuition credits for every terrorist, you might be a Muslim.

* If you have ever not punched a gay person you totally could have punched, you might be a Muslim.

* If you lob inspiring platitudes like hand grenades, you might be a Muslim.

* If you have talked to a Muslim, you might be a Muslim.

* If young people aren't immediately revulsed by your craggy, translucent skin and creepy old man giggle, you might be a Muslim.

* If you go to a Christian church that has a crazy pastor, you might be a Muslim.

* If you're black and running for president, you might be a Muslim.