• Belly Up to the Barr

    Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

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    Three's a Party! The Pages, along with the rest of the Washington Establishment, are convinced that the major-party presidential candidates simply don't offer voters enough of a choice this year. A 46-year-old biracial ultra-liberal raised overseas versus a volatile 71-year-old war hero toeing the conservative line… Excuse us, but we're seeing double like Vito Fossella (R-NY) at a traffic stop!

    Enter a third-party hero on a dark horse to free us from Republicrat tyranny: The dashingly-mustachioed Bob Barr! The ex-Republican and Georgia Congressman joined the Libertarian Party after losing his seat in the House in 2002, and apparently is now their standard-bearer.

    Barr is striking a deeply nuanced position: he is against the Iraq War, the Patriot Act, and witches in the military; he is for the elimination of the income tax, marijuana decriminalization, and legalized abortion, provided he's married to the woman having one.

    Before you scream "hypocrisy," remember that Barr has straddled the issues since the 1990’s, when he gained fame for both his leading role in the impeachment of President Bill Clinton and his licking whipped cream off two women's breasts at a leukemia fundraiser.

    Barr's run isn't without precedent: he follows in the proud tradition of third-party candidates like Ralph Nader of the Green Party, Ross Perot of the Reform Party, and Lyndon LaRouche of the Anti-Masonic Party. And like all of those presidential "third wheels," Barr is threatening to play the role of spoiler in the race, a prospect that has Republicans shaking in their boots.

    He stands to reap much of the support left over from the campaign of Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX), which generated an unprecedented amount of online contributions and handmade banners draped from highway overpasses. And Barr could particularly damage John McCain in Libertarian-minded states like New Hampshire and his home state of Georgia, where he is fondly remembered as a contributing editor to Creative Loafing magazine. Sure enough, Barr is currently polling at a healthy 6% in the Peach State, while Siamese twins McCain and Obama are statistically tied!

    The Pages predict big things from Barr as the race proceeds. He has already made a shrewd move in his selection of Wayne Allyn Root as his running mate. Root has the distinctions of being the self-proclaimed "King of Vegas," and naming his son, Remington, after a gun.

    All Barr needs now to become a fully legitimate presidential contender is a controversial religious leader hanging like an albatross around his neck. We've heard that the Rev. Ted Haggard is still available!


    Tags: Bob Barr, Congressional Confidential, Libertarian

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