Catching Up With A Loser: Duncan Hunter

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Catching Up With A Loser! It's time for the next entry in the Pages' catalog of failed 2008 presidential candidates! Republican primary voters who thought that Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-CO) didn't hate gays and Mexicans enough to be president found their man in Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA)! The San Diego County Congressman entered the presidential race in early 2007, sporting an impressive resume including:

* Proposing that women be banned from the U.S. Army.

* Accusing former California Governor Gray Davis of burning down his house.

* Introducing legislation that would empower any parent to sue a media company for producing material causing "emotional injury" to a minor (including breasts, phallic imagery, or close-ups on Rudy Giuliani's terrifying mouth).

* Enduring a proud 27-year career in Congress without once dying on the floor of the House of Representatives.

Hunter pledged to make the United States a better place for him to be president by sticking to the twin tenets of complete border security and endless war in the Middle East. His campaign received a huge boost when he received the coveted endorsement of Ann Coulter, who chose him after discovering that her initial choice, Vlad the Impaler, had exited the race because of a campaign finance scandal.

The Coulter endorsement failed to provide a lasting boost, however, and Hunter's campaign was hurt by his eighth-place finish in the Michigan primary, where he lost — 0.32% to 2.08% — to "Uncommitted," who was riding high after defeating Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT) in the Iowa Democratic Caucus!

Hunter dropped out of the presidential race on January 25, 2008, eager to return to his job of representing suburban San Diego in Congress. Imagine his shock, then, to find out that he was being replaced by his own son, who snuck into the race with the crafty strategy of also being named Duncan Hunter.

But not to fear: The younger Hunter is the odds-on favorite to win the seat in November, and he has promised his old man that the family ratings of 7% from the ACLU, 28% from the NAACP and 0% from the Human Rights Campaign are all in safe hands!