Farewell, Jesse Helms

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Dead and Bloated! Sons and daughters of the Confederacy, the final curtain has fallen on the minstrel show that was the life of Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC)! Before he died last Friday, the fiery Southerner was a legend of social conservatism and race-baiting, wielding great power from the Senate seat he won by making fun of his opponent's name in 1972.

It would be too difficult to sum up Helms in just one word — Roget's Thesaurus alone lists eight synonyms for "bigot" — so instead let's look back at highlights from Helms' life and career:

* Practiced nonviolent resistance as an advocate for immigrants' rights in South Africa.

* Staged public fasts to protest political injustice.

* Chaired the Indian National Congress, urging acts of civil disobedience as means of gaining freedom from Britain.

Oh wait. Those were highlights from Gandhi's life and career! Here are Helms':

* Said of Civil Rights protests: "The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that's thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men's rights."

* Forged personal alliances with Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet and Salvadoran death squad leader Roberto D'Aubuisson.

* Tried repeatedly to abolish the National Endowment for the Arts.

* Attempted to make African-American Sen. Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL) cry by singing "Dixie" repeatedly while in an elevator with her.

* Led a failed filibuster against the establishment of Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

* Announced in 1994 that if then-President Bill Clinton were to visit North Carolina, "He better have a bodyguard."

The Wall Street Journal declared "Jesse Helms himself was no racist," in their tearful eulogy last Saturday, which was the equivalent of Playboy magazine claiming Wilt Chamberlain was a virgin. Still, the Pages will miss Helms' presence in the U.S. Capitol, cruising the halls in a motorized wheelchair, scowling at the doodles and Chinamen along the way.

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