John Sununu: The New Santorum?

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Frothy! Congratulations to Sen. John Sununu (R-NH), winner of American Prospect's coveted "This Cycle’s Santorum" Award! This accolade grants Sununu the fate of martyred Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), who lost miserably in 2006 to Democrat Bob Casey!

Though understandably elated, Sununu shouldn't think he can just lose his election and then show up for his trophy. Any Santorum impersonator worth his "20 Most Corrupt Members of Congress" certification must also do the following:

* Adopt the nickname "Rooster" on account of freakishly erect back-hair.

* Lobby for the expanded use of steroids in professional wrestling.

* Hold a press conference to erroneously announce the discovery of WMDs in Iraq and have FOX News continue to report this as fact a full two years later.

* Compare homosexuality to "man on dog" sex, thus inspiring an advice columnist to publicly define your last name as "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

* Force your children to kiss and cuddle the corpse of their dead baby brother.

Okay, that last one was just a joke! Oh, wait… apparently it wasn't. Yikes.

Well, it looks like Sununu has some pretty big shoes to fill between now and November. Of course if he doesn't feel up to the job, he could always transfer his "This Cycle's Santorum" award to Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK), who is also going to lose and will gladly offer up a "man on dog" slur to anyone willing to illegally remodel his house!