• Catching Up With A Loser: Bill Richardson

    Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

    congressionalconfidential_2.jpg

    Catching Up With A Loser! In our rush last week to profile failed presidential contender Duncan Hunter, we passed over the highly forgettable candidacy of Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM) who dropped out on January 10, beating Hunter by more than two weeks in the loser-stakes!

    From Day One, Richardson made it clear that he was not your average presidential contender. Among other things, he was:

    * The first serious candidate to strongly resemble the Incredible Hulk.

    * Experienced as a governor, congressman, ambassador, cabinet secretary, and critically acclaimed YouTube actor.

    * Latino, and therefore able to converse with outgoing president George W. Bush in terrible, broken Spanish.

    * Able to withstand the wrath of lesbian rocker Melissa Etheridge when stating that her homosexuality was a choice.

    * The only candidate to perpetuate a flagrant lie about being a Major League Baseball player.

    Yeah, about that last one… It turns out that while Richardson did play professional baseball (in the Cape Cod League), he misspoke ever so slightly when he repeatedly claimed in various speeches and biographies that he had been drafted by the Kansas City Athletics. After his lie was exposed, Richardson tackled the media firestorm like a 3 AM phone call, explaining:

    "After being notified of the situation and after researching the matter… I came to the conclusion that I was not drafted by the A's."

    Thanks for clearing that up, Governor! We hope you can share some of your research skills with fellow non-draftee Fidel Castro!

    Richardson's presidential campaign enjoyed roughly the same success as his baseball career. Despite support from the powerful pro-cockfighting wing of the Democratic Party, he placed a dismal fourth in both the Iowa and New Hampshire primaries, leading pundits to name him "The Ernest 'Fritz' Hollings of 2008." (Or, in the case of James Carville, "The Judas Iscariot of 2008.")

    For now Richardson remains the Governor of New Mexico, but the state's lackluster economy may inspire the voters to place him on waivers, at which point Richardson hopes he'll be picked up by the increasingly desperate Washington Nationals!


    Tags: Bill Richardson, Catching Up With a Loser, Congressional Confidential

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.