• Holy Veeps-Stakes, Batman!

    As John McCain and Barack Obama get closer to picking their running mates, we're sure we know what's on their minds: "Which Batman villain matches most closely to the person I'm considering as my running mate?" After all, that's how presidential candidates have been picking vice presidents since 1939. Well, we thought we'd make it easy for them with this handy chart:

    VPs for John McCain:

    Mitt Romney = Two-Face
    Romney's stances on the issues switch so much it's as if he's making ideological decisions based on coin flips. And you should see what his face looks like under the skin graft. Nothing but metal and wires.

    Tim Pawlenty = Two-Face
    Pawlenty had been rocking a mullet for a while, but now that he's getting close to being a contender, he cuts it off? Sounds pretty two-faced to us!

    VPs for Barack Obama:

    Mike Bloomberg = Two-Face
    The self-made billionaire and NYC mayor is a Democrat turned Republican turned Independent. Plus, if the rumors of his adolescent womanizing are at least partially true, we assume he used to be taller than four-foot-eight and didn't talk like a cabaret singer.

    Kathleen Sebelius = Two-Face
    As the Democratic governor of a red state, she's had to pretend to hate things like gays and abortions in private while loving them in public. Plus, if she side-steps Hillary Clinton to become the first woman to win on a presidential ticket, expect to see donations to Hillary Clinton Supporters for Throwing Sulfuric Acid in Kathleen Sebelius' Face go through the roof.

    Bill Richardson = Catwoman
    So limber that cats in New Mexico are often described as, "lithe as a Richardson."

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Richardson, John McCain, Kathleen Sebelius, Michael Bloomberg, Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty


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