After Marvel Comics editor-in-chief Joe Quesada announced that Stephen Colbert is still running for president in the Marvel Universe, we decided to follow up by contacting a reporter in that universe for updates on his campaign:
Colbert: Cell Phone Conspiracists Have Wrong Number
Ken Ellis, DB Staff Reporter
Conspiracy theorists, reality is calling. It just may take longer to reach some of you on your cellular phone.
Following last Friday's inauspicious debut of a much-anticipated new mobile phone, in which major software problems hobbled the activation of thousands of devices throughout 24 countries, people dialed up their dissatisfaction on the Internet. But rather than hold the manufacturer culpable, several bloggers blamed it on the alien invasion that has been depicted via amateur video and news footage from New York City, Great Britain and Wakanda.
On one website, capncommunity.com host Corey C. wrote that the new phones' failure were the byproduct of "alien infiltration of our technology. These creatures put some unknown alien virus into the new phones, which are activated when you go online. Basically, they're using us to spread the virus onto the Internet, which affects just about every facet of our everyday living."
Another blogger — UKneeVerse — suspects that the recent uprising in Wakanda is somehow connected to the African nation's surplus of vibranium, a metal that absorbs all vibratory (i.e., sound) and kinetic energy in its area. "Those who control the vibranium can control the world," he wrote. "If I were an alien and thought I could cripple man's technology through vibranium, I'd go after it too."
While attending a private function in Chicago's Harris Theatre last Sunday, presidential candidate Stephen Colbert tried making light of the mobile hang-ups, citing his hope that the unfriendly E.T.'s can soon use the new cellular devices to phone home.
"Mr. Colbert thinks it's preposterous that people are actually blaming a wireless phone's problems on aliens," confirmed camp spokesperson Tracy Dugan via telephone. "And the idea that they're secretly attempting to harness vibranium … talk about making incredible leaps in logic. If you looked at the footage from Times Square, it's pretty obvious that our extraterrestrial aggressors aren't so subtle in their methods."
Dugan cut our conversation short after receiving a call from Colbert…on her new mobile phone, no less. "Unless it's an alien with Mr. Colbert's cell number, I think I better take this," she joked before hanging up.
For a special Colbert easter egg, check out X-Factor 33, on sale now.
This week's image is from Eternals #2.
Previous Colbert easter eggs:
Punisher War Journal #21, She-Hulk #30, X-Factor #32, Amazing Spider-Man #562 Secret Invasion #3, Ms. Marvel #27 and She-Hulk #29, Incredible Hercules #117, X-Men: Legacy #211, Young X-Men #2, Amazing Spider-Man #556, She Hulk #28, Incredible Hercules #116, Amazing Spider-Man #556, Secret Invasion #1
Tags: Marvel, Stephen Colbert