• Catching Up With A Loser: Fred Thompson

    Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!


    Catching Up With A Loser! The Pages are pleased to present the next in our list of 2008 presidential losers: Law and Order star and Elmer Fudd stand-in Sen. Fred Thompson! Thompson, a former Republican Senator from Tennessee, never intended to run for president. He was happy in retirement, making TV appearances and nailing a woman six years younger than his own son. For months, he ignored a burgeoning "Draft Thompson" movement until finally he was tricked into entering the race by a fast-talking rabbit.

    Outsmarted and resigned to his candidacy, Thompson plotted a quick exit from the race by refusing to learn anything about the issues, skipping debates, and describing Latino immigrants as "suicidal maniacs [who] want to kill innocent men, women, and children." But much to Thompson’s chagrin, he somehow led in the polls going into July 2007!

    As the primary season rolled around, the man Richard Nixon called "dumb as hell" finally managed to chart a course toward the defeat he so obviously coveted. He lost badly in Iowa, New Hampshire, Michigan and Nevada, before announcing he was staking his candidacy on South Carolina.

    Thompson's logic was that if he dropped out by January 22nd, he could make it back to Hollywood in time to shoot a cameo as a corpse on CSI: Miami. And South Carolina voters did their part, giving Thompson 16% of the vote and zero delegates.

    Visibly relieved, the ex-Senator dropped his campaign faster than NBC could cancel Bionic Woman, happily ending his political career. Now in recent weeks, Thompson's name has been floated as a youthful complement to John McCain on the GOP ticket, but the Senator has quashed those rumors, announcing that if selected, he will move to Canada.

    Tags: Catching Up With a Loser, Congressional Confidential, Fred Thompson


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