Fox News Piles More Sleaze Onto Sleazy John Edwards Scandal

Yesterday we reported that The National Enquirer was all up inside the story of John Edwards, his alleged mistress and his allegedly alleged illegitimate child. In doing so, we noted that for such an egregiously slimy story as this, there is no better news source than The Enquirer.

Well, we were wrong. Because now Fox News has slithered itself into the fray (sorry, Enquirer, but you just got out-skeeved), and its claiming to have the eyewitness account of a hotel security guard who stepped in to lend the former senator a hand in escaping from a throng of undead reporters…

The Beverly Hilton Hotel guard said he encountered a shaken and ashen-faced Edwards — whom he did not immediately recognize — in a hotel men's room early Tuesday morning in a literal tug-of-war with reporters on the other side of the door.

"What are they saying about me?" the guard said Edwards asked.

"His face just went totally white," the guard said, when Edwards was told the reporters were shouting out questions about Edwards and Rielle Hunter, a woman the National Enquirer says is the mother of his child.

That will make an excellent scene in the made-for-TV-movie of this whole debacle that E almost-certainly already has in the works.

This, on the other hand…

The guard did not recognize Edwards at the time of the incident, but said he concluded it was the 2008 presidential hopeful after hearing reports about the incident and finding an Enquirer reporter's notebook at the scene.

The guard said during the chase the reporters had dropped the notebook, which he picked up. "This book has everything in it on him," he said, referring to Edwards.

I'm just not buying it. Sure, that might flown a few years ago. But, now, in the post-DaVinci Code era, people don't wanna see plot points get picked quite so easily.

Here's how I think we should change this story. The guard doesn't find notebook on the ground. It's left in his bed on the morning after he's seduced by a really, really beautiful woman. Like, maybe Keira Knightley, but with bigger boobs. As a matter of fact, lose the security guard. Who gives a shit about security guards? He's a traveling mercenary with a drinking problem.

Check to see if Joel Schumacher is available to direct.