Both Presidential candidates are running on a platform of change, and to some extent they're already making good on that — whether it's Obama changing his story on the surge, or McCain changing the names of entire countries. But we in the Apocalypse Party demand real change, the kind that will only come from far outside the Beltway — as in, asteroid, alien landing force, or Jesus-gathering-up-the-righteous far. So whether our new leaders decide to reduce government (by means of a shrink ray) or build new coalitions (of slaves, to build their giant ziggurats), here's another sign that the end-times are coming, to finally put an end to "politics as usual":
WHY THAT'S A SIGN: Obama and McCain each promise to mandate weekly phone calls home, and hourly grandchildren photo-viewings.
WHAT TO EXPECT: The first Sunday after Inauguration Day, phone lines are so tied up, a maniacal supergenius hacks into our communications grid, disabling the Internet and all high-tech devices. Global chaos ensues, but ironically, the new swing voters are the last to know.
WHY THAT'S GREAT NEWS: In our new low-tech wilderness, the primary unit of currency is the "lemon square."
Tags: Barack Obama, John McCain, Rob Kutner, The Daily Show, This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse