Millionaire Playboy John Edwards' Little Kid Problem

Pity the bright-eyed learners at Greene Central High in Snow Hill, North Carolina. They thought John Edwards, the son of a local millworker, was going to help them afford a college education. They were wrong…

The freshmen entering Greene Central High School in Snow Hill, N.C., in 2005 thought they had something a little extra to look forward to, should they make it through the four years. That year, John Edwards began a program, College for Everyone, to pay a year's tuition for each graduate.

But that apparently is not to be. The school's principal recently notified parents that the scholarship program ended with the class of 2008.

In related news, John Edwards' rumored love child, Frances, always assumed her famous maybe-daddy would man up enough to write his name on her birth certificate. She, too, was wrong…

The birth certificate of a child who a tabloid newspaper claims is linked to former Sen. John Edwards doesn't identify a father.

The certificate, obtained by The Charlotte Observer today, shows Frances Quinn Hunter was born Feb. 27, more than two months after an Edwards aide claimed to be the father. Andrew Young, a former Edwards campaign finance director, claimed paternity in a statement from his lawyer posted at the political blog mydd.com.

So let's see. A charitable program John Edwards began at Greene Central High has ended. Now we learn that neither he nor his former campaign finance director Andrew Young, who is also married with children of his own, put his name on some woman's baby's birth certificate.

There's only one logical conclusion to be drawn. John Edwards is the secret father of every student at Greene Central High.