January 31, 2009: President Bob Barr orders Iraqi troops home by end of February, but gives the contract for transporting them to Southwest Airlines. The troops are asked to give up their seats and wait for the next available flight.
February 4, 2009: Marijuana legalized in the United States. Unfortunately, the money windfall in taxes is diverted to pay for a massive Cheetos and cupcakes subsidy.
March 2, 2009: President Barr approves a bill allowing airport vending machines to offer bullets of all calibers for the convenience of passengers to load their guns before boarding a plane. The NRA continues to call Barr "soft" on the issue of assault rifles in carry-ons.
March 23, 2009: Public school system sold to Disney, McDonald's and Revlon Corporations. Fat, sexy American children now number one in world in amusement park technology knowledge.
April 30, 2009: President Barr moves offices to shitty Industrial Park that's near the good bagel place. White House converted to awesome White Castle franchise.
Tags: Bob Barr, Libertarian