• Countdown to Electiony: 85 Days

    Can you guess what monument to the American spirit of sweet, sweet industrialism and capitalism was introduced to our nation back in the year 1885?

    Yep, that's right. It was on February 21st of that very year that President Chester Arthur dedicated the Washington Monument — that 555-foot phallus that pokes its way into the sky above the National Mall in Washington, D.C. — in remembrance of the father of our country President George Washington's own 555-foot phallus.

    But that's not what I'm talking about at all.

    Because, also, in that very same historic year, on June 17th, the Statue of Liberty — the symbol to so many immigrants of a better life, of owning a stake in your government and your future — arrived in New York Harbor, a gift from the people of France, as 350 individual pieces, packed in more than 200 different crates.

    Yawn.

    What I'm actually talking about is Dr. Pepper, motherfucker! Yeah! Fuckin' sweet-as-balls, mystery-flavored sulfuric acid in a bottle. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

    According to the U.S. Patent Office, it was on December 1, 1885 that Dr. Pepper — a concoction of pharmacist Charles Alderton in Waco, Texas — was first served. (That's a year before the introduction of Coca-Cola.)

    I'm gonna go get me a cool, refreshing bottle of Dr. Pepper right now (being careful, of course, not to spill any on my exposed skin) and think about just how beautiful our nation really is.

    Go back to Day 86.


    Tags: Election Countdown, France, New York, Texas, Washington DC

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