• John Kerry Discovered in Presence of Swill Beer, Penis Straw, Living Humans

    It appears 2004 Presidential loser John Kerry will try anything to get in the news these days. The Wooden One, who is engaged in a lightly contested re-election campaign, was recently snapped by TMZ photographers in Nantucket, his home away from home…

    The married 64-year-old had his photo taken with Bud Light drinking constituents who, we are told, are college sophomores and juniors. One was drinking from a penis straw.

    Now first of all, what I'd like to know is what a man of Kerry's pedigree is doing in the presence of a beverage as base Bud Light? Shouldn't he be sipping cognac? Or, at the very least, the blood of the proletariat?

    Also, where was Theresa during all this? Or perhaps the Kerrys have an understanding, wherein he's allowed to drink Bud Light from a penis straw while, far away, she simultaneously licks 57 varieties of ketchup off of a frat boy's thigh.

    But the star of the whole fiasco has to be Massachusetts Republican Party Executive Director Rob Willington, who noted…

    "If it wasn't for these photographs, the voters probably wouldn't have even known that John Kerry was in Massachusetts this year."

    And then where would we be?

    (photo via TMZ.com)


    Tags: John Kerry, Massachusetts, Senate

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