Denver Determined Not to Let Piss and Shit Spoil Its Convention

The City of Denver is taking all measures to silence the legions of doubters who predict the upcoming Democratic National Convention will be ransacked by piss and shit.

The City Council has passed an ordinance that…

…Prohibits the possession of noxious substances. Two of the most frequently used examples of a noxious substance are a bucket of urine and a "feces bomb."

The Council's feces bombing suspicions focus on an organization called Recreate 68, which takes its name from the riot-strewn 1968 Democratic Convention in Chicago. The group was front and center during the 1999 WTO riots in Seattle, and now they have Denver in their sights.

But Denver has a double-agent! It seems that City Councilman Doug Linkhart has been corresponding with an unnamed source, who, Linkhart claims…

"…told me that he knew of a house where protestors were accumulating urine."

Now accumulating urine happens to be a time-honored tradition in politics. Sen. Estes Kefauver (D-TN) was a proponent of a bag rigged in his pants, while Strom Thurmond (R-SC) preferred a plain old bucket.

But if either of them want to rise from the grave and try that stunt in Denver… well, they'll spend that night shitting themselves in the county jail!