Rudy Giuliani to Give Keynote Speech at RNC, Presumably in Men's Clothing

I'm not sure if you remember, but about seven years ago, a few really angry guys flew some planes into some really tall buildings. Wacky, right? Anyway, there was a lot of sadness and hugging and people talking about being kind to their loved ones. Then we got really bomby and… well, you know the rest.

What's that? You say you don't know what I'm talking about? No bother. The RNC plans to remember you well.

Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani will give the keynote address at the Republican National Convention next month.

First lady Laura Bush, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and John McCain's former Republican rivals will speak as well.

The theme will be "Country First" with four days devoted to service, reform, prosperity and peace.

No word yet on what the noun and the verb in his speech will be.