We're less than one week away from the political party conventions: that magical time when choirs are preached to, foregone conclusions forewent, and thousands of patriotic balloons showered onto the sweaty. But with any luck, a much less horrific scenario (like a mushroom cloud or supervillain's freeze ray) will decide the future leadership of the world first. So whether you're planning to take refuge in a city a mile above the ground, or inside a mall the size of a military base, here’s a critical plank to look forward to in the Apocalypse Party's platform:
SIGN: Thousands of electronic voting machines decommissioned and trashed.
WHY THAT'S A SIGN: Now liberated from their county masters, these always-suspiciously-intelligent beings turn for instructions to their Creator, Karl Rove.
WHAT TO EXPECT: You were concerned about arch-conservative Supreme Court Justice appointments before? Imagine one who can never die.
WHY THAT'S GREAT NEWS: Court 2.0 will reverse Roe v. Wade just in time to stop Sarah Connor from going through with the abortion.
Tags: Karl Rove, Rob Kutner, The Daily Show, This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse