• Detroit Mayor Too Busy Getting Removed From Office To Attend Convention

    Stand down, police officers of Denver.

    Updating a previous item, America's favorite celebrity criminal, Kwame Kilpatrick, has announced he will not attend the Democratic convention. Kilpatrick, who when not standing trial maintains a day job as Mayor of Detroit, is technically a Barack Obama superdelegate– something the Illinois Senator would rather you didn’t know.

    Question now is: If he's not going to be partying it up with Ben Affleck, Kanye West and Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), what will the Mayor be doing instead?

    Well his calendar for Tuesday includes a self-reminder to "avoid being removed from office by the Governor of Michigan"…

    As Gov. Jennifer Granholm prepares to announce whether she will hold a removal hearing against Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, the mayor's attorney urged the governor to "decline to join the lynch mob."

    The removal hearing, requested by the [Detroit City] Council, stems from Kilpatrick's false testimony at a police whistle-blower trial last summer and his later effort to settle that and another suit for $8.4 million without informing the council of a side deal to hide damaging text messages that would expose his lies…

    Okay, I guess that’s a legit excuse. Certainly better that the tired old "my appearance at the convention would shame my entire party because I've been accused of everything from assaulting a sheriff's deputy to porking my chief of staff, I violated my parole twice in three weeks, the court makes me wear an electronic tether, and technically I'm forbidden by law from leaving my own county."

    Because Kilpatrick could have used that one too.


    Tags: Colorado, Democratic National Convention, Denver, Jennifer Granholm, Kwame Kilpatrick, Michigan

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.