• GOP Delegate Drugged, Robbed While Attempting Tryst

    War-hawk delegate by day, horny robbery victim by night.

    That's the tale of Gabriel Nathan Schwartz at Republican National Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul. One minute, the Colorado delegate is bellowing for permanent war. The next, he's drugged in a hotel room minus $120,000 worth of cash and bling.

    Here's how Schwartz spent the day of September 3rd…

    * Appears in a mid-afternoon interview with LinkTV.org. In it, he announces he's voting for McCain in hopes of "less taxes and more war." Smiling, he repeats "more war" for added emphasis.

    * Asked what he would do if he were commander in chief, he replies he would start a war with Iran and "bomb the hell of them from the sky," adding that they could also be defeated "with a slingshot."

    * Shares his financing plan for this Iran war: "We should plant a flag. Take the oil, take the money. We deserve reimbursement."

    * Sends his message to those protesting the convention: "Get a job."

    * At this point, the American Douchebag Guild interrupts the interview to declare they have renounced Schwartz.

    And then later that night…

    * Schwartz checks into the Hotel Ivy, a $319 dollar per night hotel several miles from where the rest of the Colorado delegation is staying.

    * He picks up a single woman in the hotel's bar and invites her to his room for sex.

    * The woman fixes Schwartz a drink and tells him to undress.

    * Hours later, Schwartz awakens in a haze. The woman has stolen his wallet, a $30,000 watch, a $20,000 ring, a $5,000 necklace, $4,000 earrings and a $1,000 Prada belt.

    * The American Douchebag Guild reappears to laugh so hard they wet their pants.

    Tags: Iran, Iraq, John McCain, Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota, Republican National Convention


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