War-hawk delegate by day, horny robbery victim by night.
That's the tale of Gabriel Nathan Schwartz at Republican National Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul. One minute, the Colorado delegate is bellowing for permanent war. The next, he's drugged in a hotel room minus $120,000 worth of cash and bling.
Here's how Schwartz spent the day of September 3rd…
* Appears in a mid-afternoon interview with LinkTV.org. In it, he announces he's voting for McCain in hopes of "less taxes and more war." Smiling, he repeats "more war" for added emphasis.
* Asked what he would do if he were commander in chief, he replies he would start a war with Iran and "bomb the hell of them from the sky," adding that they could also be defeated "with a slingshot."
* Shares his financing plan for this Iran war: "We should plant a flag. Take the oil, take the money. We deserve reimbursement."
* Sends his message to those protesting the convention: "Get a job."
* At this point, the American Douchebag Guild interrupts the interview to declare they have renounced Schwartz.
And then later that night…
* Schwartz checks into the Hotel Ivy, a $319 dollar per night hotel several miles from where the rest of the Colorado delegation is staying.
* He picks up a single woman in the hotel's bar and invites her to his room for sex.
* The woman fixes Schwartz a drink and tells him to undress.
* Hours later, Schwartz awakens in a haze. The woman has stolen his wallet, a $30,000 watch, a $20,000 ring, a $5,000 necklace, $4,000 earrings and a $1,000 Prada belt.
* The American Douchebag Guild reappears to laugh so hard they wet their pants.
Tags: Iran, Iraq, John McCain, Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota, Republican National Convention