It DO Mean a Thing!: Swing State Profiles – Michigan

As we push toward November 4, it's time to focus on our nation's Swing States (i.e. the ones who will pick a president for the rest of us based on whoever's negative ad they saw last.) So tough toodles, Texas. Nous sommes désolés, Massachusetts. Let's investigate a state that matters for a change…

Michigan's Key Players

* Former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick — is ready, willing, and able to send 14,000 dirty text messages at taxpayers' expense on behalf of Obama.

* Congressional Candidate Dr. Jack Kevorkian — could drastically alter the race should he convince the 72-year-old McCain to come in for his "signature treatment."

* Dominos Pizza Founder Tom Monaghan — has thrown his sizable fortune behind McCain, after his preferred candidate was Raptured.

Obama's Constituency

* Members of the United Auto Workers union, who have conveniently scheduled their next strike for Election Day.

* Right-wing Ann Arbor residents who distrust Cynthia McKinney.

* Michael Moore, voting absentee in Flint from his Upper West Side penthouse.

McCain's Constituency

* Conservatives fed up with illegal immigration from Canada.

* Card-carrying members of the Michigan Militia.

* The Arab-American community in Dearborn, which was dismayed to discover that Obama is not a secret Muslim.

Predicted Winner: Obama
McCain has been hurt in Michigan by the downturn in the economy and by the fact that hard-right hard rocker Ted Nugent recently switched his voter registration to Texas.

Check out more Swing State Profiles here!

Tags: Barack Obama, It DO Mean a Thing, John McCain, Michigan