• Sen. Ted Stevens to Become the Crotchetiest Man in Alaska Jail

    Get ready, Guantanamo Bay. You’re about to welcome the oldest, most crotchety, most famous, powerful, and did I mention crotchety prisoner in U.S. custody: Alaska Senator Ted Stevens

    Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, the longest-serving Republican in the Senate’s history and a figure of enormous influence in his state, was found guilty on Monday of violating ethics laws for failing to report gifts and services that he was given by friends…

    The maximum sentence on each of the felony charges is five years in prison, but federal sentencing guidelines could call for much less than that. Mr. Stevens will turn 85 on Nov. 18.

    Stevens, notorious on Capitol Hill for his "bridge to nowhere" project as well as his third-grade temper, also faces expulsion from his fellow Senate colleagues, a punishment usually reserved for Confederate sympathizers.

    It’s a surprisingly short fall from the halls of Congress to those of prison. Once in jail, Stevens will no doubt run into old friends like ex-Rep. "Duke" Cunningham (R-CA) and lobbyist Jack Abramoff (R-Northern Marianas Island).

    And assuming that the prison dining service serves a steady diet of pork, old Uncle Ted should feel right at home.

    Tags: Alaska, Ted Stevens


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.