• Newsweek Reports That Barack Obama Just Might Very Well Be the Antichrist Maybe

    It seems that sound, scientific, indisputable proof that our president-elect is in fact the Antichrist has finally been found: Some random number generator randomly generated the random number "666" in Illinois randomly. How could you possibly ask for more proof than that?

    Unfortunately, the unquestionable and not-at-all-idiotic proof came just one day too late to warn voters of the hellfire into which they were about to submerge themselves, Newsweek's Lisa Miller reports…

    On Nov. 5, Todd Strandberg was at his desk, fielding E-mails from around the world. As the editor and founder of RaptureReady.com, his job is to track current events and link them to biblical prophecy in hopes of maintaining his status as "the eBay of prophecy," the best source online for predictions and calculations concerning the end of the world… Now Strandberg was receiving up-to-the-minute news from his constituents in Illinois.

    One of the winning lottery numbers in the president-elect's home state was 666 — which, as everyone knows, is the sign of the Beast (also known as the Antichrist). "It is very eerie, and I take it for a sign as to who he really is," wrote one of Strandberg's correspondents.

    Yes, it is a very eerie sign. I suppose we should all just give up Hope now and prepare ourselves for the End of Days.

    "[T]he spread of secular progressive ideas is a prelude to the enslavement of mankind," explains Richard Landes, former director of the Center for Millennial Studies at Boston University.

    No wonder, then, that Obama triggers such fear in the hearts of America's millennialist Christians. Mat Staver, dean of Liberty University's law school, says he does not believe Obama is the Antichrist, but he can see how others might.

    No wonder, indeed. It's all so obvious and points so blatantly to the foregone conclusion that a medieval fairytale is playing out before us.

    Obama's own use of religious rhetoric belies his liberal positions on abortion and traditional marriage, Staver says, positions that "religious conservatives believe will threaten their freedom." The people who believe Obama is the Antichrist are perhaps jumping to conclusions, but they're not nuts: "They are expressing a concern and a fear that is widely shared," Staver says.

    Perhaps they're jumping the gun.

    Or, perhaps their paranoid illogical fantasies are preparing them for the inevitable.

    Or, perhaps this is in fact a sign that Barack Obama is really the Silver Surfer in disguise and the Earth is about to be devoured by Galactus, Eater of Worlds.

    One thing, though, that is not in question is that — regardless of what fantastical fate awaits our doomed planet — Newsweek's Lisa Miller will surely be spared of the carnage as a payment of debt reward for her fantastic journalistic efforts.


    Tags: Antichrist, Barack Obama, Christianity, Illinois, Newsweek

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.