The good news: a grand jury finally indicted Dick Cheney. The bad news: I think this particular legal proceeding is a scene from a long-lost Monty Python script. We open in Willacy County, Texas, where the jury has spoken…
The indictment charges Cheney with illegally profiting, by virtue of his office, from $85 million in investments in the Vanguard Group. The group invests in companies that house federal detainees. He also is charged with exerting pressure on how much prisons are paid to house detainees….
The indictment further alleges that Gonzales used his position to stop investigations into assaults committed in the private prison managed by the GEO Group in Willacy County. The GEO Group, formerly Wackenhut Corrections Corp., was also indicted on murder charges involving the 2001 death of an inmate killed in a Raymondville prison.
For good measure, Willacy County also indicted Texas state Senator Eddie Lucio Jr., two district judges, a couple of former county prosecutors and a district clerk who happened to be hanging around that day. It's quite convoluted, and the connections between these people and the vice president and the prisons are less than clear, but, hey, even indictments are bigger in Texas.
Maybe Willacy County district attorney Juan Angel Guerra can bring some order to the court. Why, here's a news item from last year, touting his public service…
Willacy County District Attorney Juan Guerra has been protesting his arrest on corruption charges by camping outside the Sheriff's Department in an RV. On Sunday, he brought a goat.
Oh well. Presumably this means Dick Cheney can protest his indictment in Willacy County by camping outside the courthouse in an RV, with a wild boar.
Nudge nudge wink wink?
Tags: Alberto Gonzales, Dick Cheney, Texas