Mad Magazine: Barack Obama's First 100 Minutes – EXCLUSIVE

As Barack Obama prepares to take office in less than two weeks — still seems like an eternity, doesn't it? — There's been a lot of talk about how he'll spend, and what he'll achieve, during his first 100 days in office.

Even though he's warned against expecting miracles during that time period and has tried in vain to consider instead his first 1,000 days in office (yeah, right), the speculation does not end.

Mad Magazine has a different question: What will Barack Obama achieve during his first 100 minutes in office?

In an exclusive timetable that they've been kind enough to exclusively share with us exclusively, they break that initial hour and forty minutes down. Here's a sampling of their findings…

Minutes 1-2: Round up Michelle and kids, give finger to Bush and Cheney, head to Oval Office

Minute 3: Remove stupid flag pin from lapel

Minutes 10-13: Sneak out to Rose Garden for a quick smoke

Minute 25: Go on Facebook; put out a friend request to Ahmadinejad (with no preconditions)

Minute 26: Remind Biden to "shut his f*#king cakehole"

Minutes 45-48: Sneak out to Rose Garden for a quick smoke

Minutes 65-67: Delete "private" Scarlett Johansson photos before surrendering Blackberry to Secret Service

Minutes 91-99: Do a little blow

Read the whole thing here…