• Black Guy Moves to Town, D.C. Declares State of Emergency

    With winds of change expected to reach 95 miles per hour next week, D.C. officials have convinced President Bush to declare a state of emergency in the Capitol, freeing up millions of dollars in federal disaster funding.

    Settle down, settle down, they just don't have a category for "federal happytimes funding"…

    The declaration was requested by D.C. Mayor Adrian Fenty, who warns that inauguration crowds could overwhelm area hospitals and emergency responders.

    District officials expect Barack Obama’s inauguration to cost more than $47 million, according to a plea for money sent earlier this month to Congressional representatives by Fenty along with Maryland and Virginia Govs. Martin O’Malley and Tim Kaine.

    The total cost anticipated by the National Capital Region is more than $75 million, according to the same letter.

    Which means, of course, that Maryland and Virginia Govs. Martin O'Malley and Tim "Browbeat 'Em" Kaine now have their hands out with multi-million dollar requests for federal funding, assistance they say they need to control the hope-drunk crowds flooding their streets with hope…

    O’Malley spokesman Rick Abbruzzese said the D.C. emergency declaration made later in the afternoon offered Maryland…

    Money? Helicopters? Police dogs? Storm troopers? Malaria tablets?

    …a bit of hope.

    Eh, may as well throw a match at the forest fire.


    Tags: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Inauguration, Tim Kaine, Washington DC

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.