Dick Cheney is Now Literally Hell on Wheels

We've all been there. A long-term relationship has come to an end and you have to move your stuff into a new place.

It's stressful on a good day, and everyone knows that lifting heavy boxes while your body is already stressed is a recipe for injury.

Imagine how much harder it must be if your heart is made of pistons and Satan's diesel-grade saliva.

So look for former Vice President Dick Cheney (is it too early to say that? It is? Meh, fuck it) to be in a wheelchair at the inauguration today.

But I think he'll probably walk again, just like the man in the picture above — IF the right kind of leader inspires him.