We’ve got it all wrong: who cares that AIG paid out bonuses to their executives. They’re executives of a large, multinational insurance company. This is what they do. Would you we blame terminators for hunting man? No.
The CEO of AIG, a fat man in a suit, is in congress today, talking to other fat men in suits. They’re all born-again populists, those fat men in suits. Everybody is a populist these days. Populism is the new bling.
The word around Washington DC, that magical, marble city of too many pigs at too small a trough, is that President Hopemonger is angry at Secretary of Moneybags for not realizing that executives do things like hire lawyers to write contracts that guarantee large bonuses from companies they help destroy.
But here’s the thing: the millions of dollars paid out to these AIG executives are going to stimulate the economy. True story. Those flush executives support multiple, important industries that need your tax dollars. The economies supported by AIG executives include, but are not limited to…
* The Large Novelty Champagne Bottle Union
* The Yacht With Helipad Industry
* The White Slave Trade
* The Delicious Goose Torture Guild
* The Monocle Manufacturers of America
* United International Tax Shelters
* The We Raise Your Spawn While You Cook On The Beach Union
* The Old Money Country Club Club
* The South of France
Now, don’t you feel stupid? Criticizing AIG executives for taking a taxpayer bailout, then turning around, and doling that money out as bonuses is possibly the best thing that could happen to the US economy. These capitalistic supermen should be thanked, honestly.
Haven’t you people ever read The Atlashead?
Tags: AIG, Economy, Edward Liddy, House of Representatives