• Ted Stevens's Charges Dropped, GOP Responds Way Stupider Than You'd Ever Predict

    Earlier this week, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the legally-beset former Alaska senator Ted Stevens would most likely have all charges against him dropped due to "prosecutorial misconduct." (Please bear in mind that "prosecutorial misconduct" is not defined as "because he's innocent.")

    Good for him; he successfully cheated justice. Now he won't have to spend his golden years getting raped in the shower by younger, meaner jailed city councilmen and state delegates.

    So what do you think the Alaskan GOP's reaction to news is?

    Don't even bother guessing, because you probably don't have enough idiot cells in your brain to predict this reaction

    Gov. Sarah Palin and the head of the Alaska Republican Party said Thursday that Sen. Mark Begich should give his Senate seat up to a special election now that prosecutors have abandoned their case against Ted Stevens. "Alaskans deserve to have a fair election not tainted by some announcement that one of the candidates was convicted fairly of seven felonies, when in fact it wasn't a fair conviction," Palin said in a Thursday interview with the Daily News…

    The chairman of the state Republican Party, Randy Ruedrich, said that the only reason Begich won his race was because "a few thousand Alaskans thought that Senator Stevens was guilty of seven felonies."

    He added that he thought Begich should step down "so Alaskans may have the chance to vote for a senator without the improper influence of the corrupt Department of Justice."

    Your takeaway message: Never underestimate politicians' ability to warp reality and logic to their own ends. Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

    The other half is having your sense of shame surgically removed and buried in a ditch by the side of the road.

    Tags: Alaska, Mark Begich, Sarah Palin, Senate, Ted Stevens


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