The Bad News: Return of the Soviets, Pig Death Peak and The FBI Knows What You Did

From Russia With Doom: The Soviet Union has developed a Flux Capacitor, and has travelled from the past to the future! Because this past weekend, angry Russia swung it's death dork and warned the world to step off or else! They rolled out troops, tanks, jet planes and had them a good old fashioned Stalin-era strut. Breitbart.com brings the fear.  [breitbart.com]

America Leads World In Plague: According to Yahoo, America is now #1… when it comes to Swine Flu. The US leads in H1N1 flu cases, surpassing pandemic culprit Mexico. We're all going to die. Fill your super-soakers with anti-bacterial hand lotion! Freebase Tamiflu! Set fire to snifflers! [yahoo.com]

They Are Watching You Poop: The FBI says it's new "high-tech tools" are for fighting "crime," reports ABC News. But you know and I know, they just want to get all up in your bidness. Listen into your conversations with mom! Check out what words you're using while playing Scrabble online! They are mouth-breathing and squinting while peeping you on the toilet! [abcnews.com]

In The Near Future, Human Fingernails Will Be The Only Currency: The economy is getting worst, and pretty soon, we'll all be standing in soup lines, and they'll pour scalding hot boot lace broth into  our cupped hands because bowls will be too expensive. MSNBC reports that the US government is borrowing 50 cents for every dollar they are spending to staunch the blood spurting from  the economy's sucking chest wound. [msnbc.com]

Tags: Economy, Great News/Bad News, Russia, Swine Flu