• Cancel the Outrage: No Big Bonuses at Goldman Sachs After All, Maybe

    85broadThis morning everyone got all cardiovascular over a Guardian report about a forthcoming bonus bonanza at Goldman Sachs:

    Staff at Goldman Sachs can look forward to the biggest bonus payouts in the firm's 140-year history after a spectacular first half of the year, sparking concern that the big investment banks which survived the credit crunch will derail financial regulation reforms.

    A lack of competition and a surge in revenues from trading foreign currency, bonds and fixed-income products has sent profits at Goldman Sachs soaring, according to insiders at the firm.

    But The Guardian is a gossipy old fishwrap ("blog"), and no one believes its lies anyway, least of all Goldman Sachs:

    Goldman Sachs denied reports Monday it's planning to pay out huge bonuses to top executives while the nation is mired in a recession. "We won't know what our compensation benefit number is until the end of the fourth quarter, which is at the end of December," company spokesman Ed Canaday said.

    Reports that Goldman bankers were planning to pay themselves the biggest bonuses ever in the firm's 140-year history are "pure speculation," Canaday said.

    In other words, good news! You have six more months to train for the outrage-a-thon, which has been postponed until December, because of rain.

    Tags: Banks, Economy, Goldman Sachs


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.