The Battle Between the Blond-Haired, Blue-Eyed Daughters of the Republican Men Who Would Be President
Who will dethrone Ann Coulter and become the next blond-haired, blue-eyed white female face of the GOP?
Will it be the tattoo-donning, dressed in black, fan of punk music, twitter fanatic, pro sex, pro gay marriage, pro life, rabble rousing reformer, daughter of a maverick, Meghan McCain? Or will it be the tattoo-free, pastels clad, old school, water-boarding-enthusiast, married-with-children, daughter of of a water-boarding enthusiast Liz Cheney?
Let's take a look at how the two stack up…
Meghan McCain Liz Cheney Sign Libra/Scorpio (on the cusp) Leo Shade of Blond Platinum Ash Current Bangs Status (CBS) and what they tell us Meghan is in with the new and out with the old. She's modern and her bangs are too. They're long, dynamic, fluid and trendy Cheney is a traditionalist and has the same exact hairstyle she did in 1978. (Actually, all four Cheneys stick to their roots when it comes to hairstyles.) They're short, full and were trendy in 1978. Tattoos One, a star on her foot, which she talks about a lot. Had her father won in New Hampshire, Meghan would have gotten a "Live Free or Die" tattoo. None that we know of. They Heart Twitter (unlike her father, who prefers "a google") Torture (just like her father) Nicknames Maverequette, the blond one Warriorette, the family friendly one, babydick Daughter of a Vietnam War… POW (You may have missed this, but John McCain was held captive for five and a half years in Vietnam.) Draft Dodger (Dick Cheney applied for draft exceptions five times. Dick explains he "had other priorities." Lucky for him, the 58,000 Americans who died and 2.8 million American soldiers who fought in Vietnam, had no scheduling conflicts.) Was born… Two months after attending a Republican National Convention: "The first political convention I ever attended was when my mom was pregnant with me…." Nine months after the military announced that men with children would be exempt from the draft. May suffer from bad tempers If she's anything like her father, Meghan could wind up calling someone the "C word." If she's anything like her father, Liz could wind up shooting someone in the face. "Some of my best friends/ relatives are gay" Meghan is a major FOG (Friend of the Gays). She says, "Of all the causes I believe in and speak publicly about, this is one of the ones closest to my heart."She doesn't just talk the talk, she walks the walk. She even sacrificed a baby elephant and fasted in order to protest Prop 8. She even sent the GOP a memo telling them to "go gay." She even outed herself during a speech at the Log Cabin Republicans' national convention where she even said: "I have lots of gay friends." I wonder if her gay friends are friends with Sarah Palin's gay friends. I bet they, at least, know each other.
Politico, famous for having its finger on the gay pulse, considers Meghan to be a "new gay icon?" (a gay-con)
Liz Cheney's sister, Mary, is a lesbian. In fact, Liz comes from a long line of gay friendly people. Now that he's no longer the unofficial president of an administration which supported a constitutional ban on gay marriage, Dick Cheney announced he is A OK with gay marriage. And mother Lynne wrote the lesbian erotic novel Sisters. Sadly, the 19th century frontier-themed novel is out of print. It's been so long, Lynne claims she doesn't even "remember the plot." Here's a sample to jog Lynne's memory and pique your interest: "Helen, my joy and my beloved, Why do we stay? Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men… There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement. In the evenings I shall read to you while you work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl…" They are their sisters' speakers Meghan gets a lot more face time than her younger sister, Bridget. Perhaps the McCains feared that their daughter, who was adopted from a Bangladesh orphanage, would be smeared, yet again, as a black illegitimate child as she was during McCain 2000 bid for president. Keeping Bridget out of the limelight hides the racist elements of the GOP from Bridget and hides Bridget from the GOP racists elements. It's a win-win situation. Sister Mary's "cross-stitching" tendencies make her a less than ideal poster daughter for the a GOP politician. She was absent from many events and photo ops. I guess it's less offensive than photo-shopping her out. Even Lynne, who clearly has love for the lesbians, knew her daughter's Sapphic ways posed a threat to her husband's political career, which is probably why she denied her daughter was a lesbian years after Mary had come out to the fam. The Rushometer Rating Rush Limbaugh thinks she sucks. He wanted Arlen Specter to take Meghan with him on his way out of the RNC. Rush Limbaugh thinks she rocks: "She's got guts and courage… she's on fire… she's a warrior, a warriorette." Clever punsters Despite her Democratic tendencies, Meghan defends her Republican identity, responding to Rush via Twitter, "RED TIL I'M DEAD BABY." Cheney worked for her father's "boss" W. and announced the "W Stands for Women" initiative to target female voters. Sexual position All for it gay or straight. Meghan McCain describes herself as "pro sex" (but she's still a lady, which is, presumably why she wouldn't lick Stephen Colbert's face.) She complains that "Daughters of Republican politicians aren't expected to have sex, let alone enjoy it-as if there were some strange chastity belt automatically attached to us female offspring."
Meghan is such a radical pro sex-ist, she thinks that abstinence-only education doesn't work. "Here's what I've never understood about the party: its resistance to discussing better access to birth control. As a Republican, I am pro-life. But using birth control and having an abortion are not the same at all." Bristol Palin, and her baby Tripp, would beg to differ.
Goes both ways: Liz simultaneously claims that "freedom means freedom for everybody" and "it's important to make the decision on a state by state basis. This argument, of course, echos the logic used by abolitionists who wanted freedom of slaves to be determined on a state by state basis. (Well, these people would technically not be abolitionists, but. whatever, Liz is still a freedom fighter.)Not sure what her official stance on abstinence is, but thanks to her exotically-named children Kate, Elizabeth, Grace, Richard and narcissistically-named kids Philip and Elizabeth, we do know that Liz does not practice marital abstinence, or has managed to break the "strange chastity belt" attached to Republicans' daughters at least 5 times.
Prediction: Based on the above evidence, the endorsement by King of the GOP Rush Limbaugh, and Meghan's criticism of reining GOP queen Ann Coulter, a Liz Cheney Coronation seems likely.
Read more of Katie Halper's political commentary on Katie Halper Dot Com.
Tags: Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, John McCain, Liz Cheney, Meghan McCain, Republicans